bf/fiance isnt saved. How to exit relationship & help finding where to live
It is right to leave that home and relationship and break off any engagement too. With Kids in this mess or not! (*See further below note).
He wanted you there and yet is constantly manipulating (as Satans children/those in sin nature do) to get what he wants. Dont feel bad at all for seeking to go the right way. If you want to live rightly, you need to flee.
Don't let him try to cling to you when you say you will leave. God has commanded we not be unequally yoked. Obey God and flee that man!
Find a place to live, then move asap:
My recommendation is to go to your Pastor for help to exit the home and relationship, and get help to go somewhere safe. Either temp help you move to your relatives, a close friend, or get help from the church with a apartment (for a month or two), or help you stay with a church member (under tenancy contract - even if free - list the months you will be there then exit the property), fee based room rental with a member (under a rental contract) [*the notarized contract (which you will insist on) will show you are a person of integrity and not taking advantage of Church folk.]. The church can alternately help you get to a woman's shelter (where you can get other help). Or help you move in with family. There are housing choices.
AND the church can help guide you get on temporary welfare & get you directed to helps for getting your child support guidance [from the father]. He is manipulating you right now to avoid all those things and likely a reason hes been trying to get you to stay/marry to him. So you end up stuck for life with him, or waste your youth by living there unmarried & in sin. Don't fall for it, flee now.
[After you have a place to stay already set up to go]. Break it off when the mover helpers arrive. Let him know because of your faith you can no longer live together but will remain cordial. [*you can defuse the situation by saying that and for the benefit of your upcoming notary plan & court stuff which you wont mention until you next meet, which should be asap with the pastor, notary and lawyers help at that meeting.
You do want to be sorta friendly to him after you leave, and civil, but you wont be friends or hang out. Determine that You wont be alone together again anytime anywhere either, and stick to it!. Always have someone with you, and never let him into your home] when you do meet. Dont be alone with him so he can try to manipulate or harm you. The above is offered in this comment as options for a place to live, if you have no family nearby, or no bible focused Christian family. If you have then reach out to them first.
If problems arise and your child is under 2, Some crisis pregnancy centers might be able to help you a bit too for up to 2 yrs after birth, if you find one recommended by the Pastor. So reach out to ask. Likely the church will need to help you with basics of very basics and you need to then get child support set up thru the courts asap like today! Garnish it don't trust him at all to just give it to you.
If you don't have a copy of his drivers license, and his social security number, get it before you begin your exit plan. Hopefully his social is on their birth certificate and you have access to his parents, to help ensure he won't be a avoider or dead beat dad.
If you dont have a church, contact any of the ones in the below directory and ask how they can help you with your situation & the above stuff I noted, and have a full plan in place.
...AND to become a member there at that church. When you contact some from the directory yiu need to find a church that best suits your needs right now with a child under age 5. Find out how many people are at that church on average Sunday. [You would be best served in this season of your life if the congregation was over 100 people to over 300. But the average of 75 people would be fine if they have young mothers or parents with young ones like you who are "regularly active" there. Its not a deal breaker if they dont, but find out "how supportive" the congregation would be towards "actively participating" in the life of a unwed mother with an infant/young child. That's the key].
⭐ Ask if they have young men who can help you pack and get to the place you will shelter; who among the congregation comes to mind who can help [Note if your place has stairs]. Ask the various below things noted things too....And ask who at church can commit to take you to and from Church every Sunday [if you dont drive or dont have a car]. This way they can actively be in your life and be a godly help to you. You can initially write this out and send it by email to the pastor. Simply call the church, ask when the pastor could call you for a minute about potential membership. Introduce yourself, ask a general "tell me about the church" question and then ask his email to send him a few questions. Then email what you wrote up, include the question about if they have legal counsel or a lawyer in the congregation [or know one] who can kindly advise on the child custody matter too (and include the below related things). After hearing back from a few church pastors in your area, pick one. Go there, and begin membership process.
*note: regarding your bf/ fiance: do not ever announce your departure to him without others there with you. Do not pack to leave without others there with you and helping you from start to end (and into the car to go). My sisters best friend was murdered (mother & daughter) by the father who came home early on the day they were doing this to leave. So be safe! Esp since he gets angry.
I am proud of you for taking this step of righteousness to break off an unequal relationship instead of being chained to a child of Satan all your life and your child's.
Custody & life:
You will at some point need to deal with child custody but the Pastor can guide you to services and hopefully you will have the child more than the father. In advance of court case try to be as kind and nice as possible to the father. And try to get in writing from him in advance of court case [*try to have the Pastor there and a notary public] to write up an agreement [in advance of that meet up and have the meeting w the father at the church]. See if the Pastor/Pastors wife (and maybe a lawyer in the congregation) help write up an agreement in advance to include: ensure you have the child every Sunday no matter what (for Church/faith reasons). You've always been going and he went sometimes too so there's precedent history on that. This way as you raise your child in the Lord at home, you ensure the child is in Church with you thru age 18 every Sunday, and Wed's evenings for church. And make a note in agreement w courts that it also includes special religious days and events you want the child at during the week, Sat, holidays, camps, vbs, potluck fellowships, plus... and "other dates" the child desires to be there where the child otherwise would be with the father. Perhaps the child can be with the father every other Saturday or something like that. And list if you plan to homeschool (which i highly recommend) or school at church [if they have one], so that the child is with you during the day and after school to do homework well, and father can pick child up after that. *So even if the child stays overnight w father... child has a lot more time with you. Even if he pays higher child support money. Abd include that he will pay half the cost of child's schooling expenses, and activities related to the church (such as camps and outings) so you don't pay full brunt of that. Were talking 18 to 26 yrs of money. And if he has good income, (or can work at a college or university that offers free college to kids of employees), that he pays for the child's college (since you arent financially able to/unless you have a good paying job and can contribute). [*if necessary can go to class online and stay at mom's home predominantly those years]. But do list in the agreement the child will only go to a biblical college [approved by Answers in Genesis]. Add anything else the lawyer and pastor & his wife can think of. You can use this later in court to present to the judge and ask that thus be included in the case to be adhered to going forward.
*have 4 originals notarized:
1 for him
One for you
One to secretly keep on file at the church (as a back up) [call it a spare if he inquires].
And one for the family court.
And stick to it without flexibility so he doesnt take advantage. My sister lived a nightmare for 8 yrs b4 a judge would allow the divorce and ex did all shorts of manipulative horrible stuff incl not paying her child support. So quickly [after noterized doc] kick off the child support w courts immediately, and find out if the notarized agreement is legally binding or if you need to go to family court and there have that legally enforced, so he has to abide by it. Then stick to it without compromise. He will do all kinds of attempts. If you give in he has legal precedent to say to a judge"well we didnt always stick to the agreement." And it can be tossed out. So stick to it. Say things like " No. Sorry, You legally agreed to xyz, and so thats how we will keep doing it." He will see he cant manipulate you anymore and has to agree to it. If he doesnt pay the expenses for the child in any way listed in agreement then take him to court. Just filing a court case might get him to pay and never shirk that duty again & to pay on time, knowing you dont play around. Be firm.
Now I will note if you homeschool, your child can take extra classes in high school that are college classes and graduate HS with a BA degree already. Things are different today 😊. Do what you can to sacrifice to homeschool your child. (*see below resources- you can start looking at these things in advance and be on the ball when schooling years start).
As far as relationships. Get plugged in well to that church and ask the Sunday school teacher and deacons and pastor who among the church are single godly mature men they know for sure are born again, growing in fruit and maturity, who might be looking for a wife. If you can have the church try to match you up then get married quickly and live together for Christ. The basic requirement is simply the person is born again, financially able to provide, will be a solid spiritual leader who will love you as Christ loves the Church. This is something you can discuss while church searching. Tell the pastor you are looking for a born again godly man to be the leader and spiritual guide at home. It isnt something to be shy about but vocalize so the church can see if they have a couple you can consider a short courtship with & then marry. [Make sure he is onboard with homeschooling & ensuring you get the best outcome for you regarding the child, & will lovingly treat as his child].
On Seeking Counsel & Advice/helps dealing with the childs father:
And always seek godly counsel from the pastor & mature believers in church on advice for anything related to stuff going on with your babys father prior to answering him anything. In fact for inquiries and questions, require he puts it in writing by email... even if hes at the meet up place to have time with the child, or if he tries to call. Have him email it to you right there, for proper legal paper trail and to give you time to answer. Say "Let me think about it. Pop the question to me over email, & I will get back to you." Then get counsel and respond to him. Tell him you dont take questions over the phone nor discuss things about the child outside of email. He can text you about meet up/drop off and times, and to be polite to say have a nice Christmas, or Have a nice New Year. Type thing. Thats it.
Don't be overly friendly either. You can invite him to Church, you can direct him to godly men or Pastor at church to discuss becoming a Christian. Do not try to convert him. Let God work on him and lead him to salvation through others. He will try to wiggle back into your life and manipulate you if you try. He might even pretend for 3 or 4 years to be a Christian. Don't fall for it. Let others deal with his salvation and growth matters. Be happy if he gets saved but keep distance. Hopefully you will be married to a godly man by then.
Hold fast to your Faith and walking in righteousness.
What it means to be unequally yoked
What to do if you have joint property
How to try to reach him for Christ b4 leaving
Resources for growing believers
God bless
