Unequally yoked issues & helpful Resources
Questions and advice for unequally yoked situations
There's two parts to the below helps. One for the unmarried and one for those married.
You might relate to the below situations or be in a relationship, friendship or business partnership that is not equally yoked. I hope the helps and resources here will minister to and guide you as you live out your faith in Christ. ✝️
Possible Scenarios:
1. I have a friend who is engaged who thinks she can lead him to Christ after married. And another friend who is married. Both are with someone not saved. I think the Bible speaks against this. How can I minister to both of them. The one married is going through a lot of problems because he doesnt see the importance of God and she has no one leading the family in Christ.
2. A friend near 20 yrs is dating an unsaved man. She was growing closer to God and getting further in her walk with Him, but he doesn’t really care about religion yet “believes in God” she somehow thinks that makes it legit to be with him. I worry that she’s going to end up in an unequally yoked marriage one day. Any advice?
3. I married a man whom I thought was Christian, but after 3 years it turns out he is a false convert. He went to church with me for many years just to keep up appearances with those people, but is a totally diff person at home. Then a job sitiation happened and he all of a sudden "works" on Sundays and hasnt been coming to Church for over 10 years, except on Christmas & Easter. 😔
4. My husband and I got married as non believers, I think I am becoming born again today, I have concerns about how my spouse will handle this, because his parents were mixed faith [not Christian] couple and they had so much arguments over religion and living out life because they were unequally yoked, and they divorced. My husband avoided marrying someone religious to avoid that. Advice?
5. I am looking around to date or court but I am young and there's hardly anyone I know who is Christian, what problems are there and what do I need to understand about dating a non believer. Also, should I interview some married couples in church & talk with the believer [mature in the faith] who is unequally yoked, for a reality check?
-Seeking clarity on unequally yoked issues.
A: It is possible that the believer thought their spouse was a believer while dating, engaged and married, but after a few years the truth came out that he is a false convert who still goes to church or flat out walked away from the faith. For those who believe who willfully dated or married a non believer it appears you didnt get Christian councel from your pastor or godly parents while looking to date or when dating, didnt know the Bible or were naive... and married or dating someone unsaved?
If you are born again and in a unequally yoked marriage, due to getting saved after married, or your spouse presented as a believer but turned out not to be or walked away, or you just disobeyed God rebelliously and are dating or married an unsaved person... here's important advice:
For those who did it or are knowingly doing this, who don't you love? Scripture is clear, If you love God you will obey Him. If not you will go your own way in sin, and it will end disasterously.
John 14:15 - "If you love me, keep my commands."
1 John 5:3 - "In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome."
Matthew 22:37-38 - "Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment."
John 15:10 - "If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love."
Don't rebelliously go your way and cling to someone of and in the darkness.
The Word says we are to obey God, and submit to our husbands as they are to submit to Christ. If he is not Christian [nor a real Christian] he is unable to submit to God, and can't be the Head of the family as Spiritual Leader nor a Godly covering for you and your kids. Do you want to live under Satan's reign over your family? Do you want Satan's people raising your children?? Do you want to rebel against God's command, and let Satan destroy your life and faith? Do you want to be a bad example to your kids & encourage them to rebel against God? Do you want to live a miserable life?
Many young church & Christian people have no Christians around them because their parents arent saved, or are luke warm, false converts, or they are not in church (they should be!), perhaps even are living in a place that has no church. It would've been understandable before the internet era, but today you can talk to (your) a decon or pastor, call a ministry or church for appt for guidance, or a biblical counselor, and even join solid Christian groups online to get godly advice ...and follow it. There's no excuse today.
Do not rebel against God and go your own way. Your life will be an absolute disaster !!
You cannot change a person, & if they dont get saved before you marry....[& show solid radical transformation in the engaged yrs before you marry]...they WON'T once you are married. Unsaved people are good at pretending until you are legally trapped in marriage, then the real demon, the true person, pops out. And all the growing problems begin. You are signing up for a horribleeeee long married life (while you are saved and living out your faith) it will be very contentious, full of fights, unbalanced, and not a home full of peace. Make sure to go present the gospel to him right now... married or not.
Tell em you have something really important to talk about. Share it, and ask if em see their need for Jesus and if they want to be right with God. If not, flee (if your not married). Flee now and dont look back like Lot's wife did. That union will be nothing but misery. Explain to em that you "cannot date or marry someone who isnt born again because Christ fills every area of your life, thoughts, heart & actions... and you cannot be on mission and a team for God in life if your other half isnt". E will see the seriousness of this and that you are severing the relationship. And stand firm about it. Whether you are dating or engaged, handle this matter today in private. And move on. God will bring a godly spouse to you in due time. Do not delay.
If you got saved after you got married you have a battle ahead of you, possibly forever, but you still have to walk in the Faith show the radical transformation and get better at living before him every day, for your relationship with God and to be a godly witness to your spouse, so perhaps he might be influenced by you. This is very hard if the believer is a woman, bcuz he is the head the leader over the family. If you were a man [dna of a male] and the believer then it would've been much easier to live with her under your leadership. But if he is unsaved, and if [you believer] live well biblically, [done well] it can possibly lead him to Christ, but if not, cling to Christ anyway....and "live in peace as best you can as possible with all men" as Scripture says. And the believing spouse can influence them towards Christ by seeing their radical transformation and continuation in growth in holiness. Study the Fruit of the Spirit, grow in the Christian Character, and wear the Armor of God. The unsaved spouse might never be saved, and likely will commit horrible sins against you every day, mistreat you, and will in all ways make your life miserable [as early as when the 3 years honeymoon phase is over. Only 77 years to go! 🙃😔😔😔, (unless he cant take it anymore and abandons or divorces you [and frees you])]. But you must follow Christ's example in all ways. >>We are immitating/following how God loves and is patient with us as wretched sinners. Our lives are to shine forth the Gospel and God's love.
You obey Christ, live right, go to church. Remembering we are to obey God over and above man.
*You must defy him when it comes to living out your Christian faith. If he gets mad, oh well. Satans people are to have no control over you spiritually! Do not cave.
A marriage is to be centered on Christ. He can't lead the family if they marry unequally yoked. For him...She can't live a "team for Christ" if one side isnt even playing for the team, nor will she biblically submit. For her...He won't lead them and raise the children in Christ, nor handle problems biblically when they arise, and they can't live on mission for Christ in their daily life, cuz he doesnt know nor love your Savior.
If he is unsaved & she is lukewarm believer and not in Scripture daily, then her apathy towards God and as servant of her Savior puts her salvation in question. If she doesnt love the Lord she isnt serving Him, nor obeying what he has said, and living in rebellion ...then that needs to be dealt with - so she can wake up and get her life straight!
Since this is where some people are, the following should be helpful. Keep praying, and be the best godly witness possible whether you are the friend or the one stuck in an unequally yoked marriage. But if you arent married heed Scriptures warning and God's clear command - Flee that relationship. Idc if you are engaged or your wedding is today or tomorrow. Obey God! Understand this issue clearly, as it is absolutely a serious matter.
Here are resources for you, and you can share to minister to others. 🫂✝️🙏
For the unmarried:
Before marrying don't make "this" mistake.... (believer marrying a believer)
For the Married:
186 Practical ways to live out your faith (before a current unsaved spouse)
Video Resources
Books & Resources
Friendships dating and marriage (search find "grab" on pg)
Listen to Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage by Lee Strobel, Leslie Strobel :
Books on marriage & Unequally Yoked
Music to encourage in and through hard times
Married Frequent Questions & Counsel
What to do if you desire to divorce without real cause
Movies:
1. Fireproof
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
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✅️Believers Growth Resources:
Believers Resources (main page)
Other Resources
(*search&find "Yoked" on pg)
Final Warning to those pursuing a relationship with someone unsaved...
Period.
Obey God
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Footnotes:
* E & em = the opposite sex of what you are. Since men might read this and have this issue also, I wrote it as gender neutral as best I could.