Breaking off a Unequally Yoked relationship but sharing Christ first
Here are some ideas or
steps to break up with an unsaved person
But after a gospel convo. being hopeful God saves him.
There's two options here, neither include living together.
1. Share the Gospel and hope he gets saved, but watching him for a while to see if any genuine Fruit proof of conversion shows, and can later consider dating again.
2. Share the Gospel, and move on anyway. Leaving him with God to mature. If it is meant to be snd in God's timing later perhaps after your both matured in the Faith [and in age] you might date again.
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*Have a irl convo.
-Meet in a public place... but not at a fav eatery.
I recommend reviewing the below links in advance to help you have an understanding so you can talk on the fly. If you do not want to use this opportunity to share the gospel with him before breaking up, jump right to the break up section.
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At meet up:
Here are two options for initiating the gospel convo
OPTION 1
Here is a brief gospel video you can both watch. A. Start by saying you are concerned that you have faith but he doesnt. Tell him you saw something that really explains well why we need Jesus. Show it. Then B. say "knowing tomorrow isnt guaranteed for any of us, does it explain clearly why we need to get right with God, today?" Then hopefully he says yes. Then say " If you truly want to be right with God and have Jesus as your Savior, you can pray silently to God with a contrite heart, in repentance, and placing your trust in Jesus, & turning your life over to Him." After he prays, pray over him about this decision. "Thanking God for moving his heart and mind towards him and grant him spiritual life, transforming him from a rebellious sinner to a humbled born again believer who now hates sin and loves righteousness. Please give him the radical transformation that comes when you give Spiritual life to a believer. Help him grow in the faith and persevere until you call him home."
Something like that. It isnt a miracle prayer, but if he truly got right with God, you've given him a bit of understanding of whats going on and should go on if he has actually been saved. You wont know for a long time if he wasnt saved, but if he was you should see a dramatic difference in his life and begin to see the Fruit of the Spirit (as it grows).
If he turns to Christ, he will respect God and you and understand you both need to live seperately, and have true boundaries so you never slip into sexual sin. If he is serious about you, he will pursue you rightly towards marriage. And that convo needs to happen soon, though you will want to watch a while for genuine conversion fruit before agreeing to marry him. But you can go towards that goal, even if he doesn't end up being the one you marry.
So have that convo and move out. Then go from there. Have men in church watch him and give you feedback over a period of time, before you even consider courting/marriage, cuz thats a lifetime covenant and you dont want to be be chained to a false convert> it is a nightmare. Do both prepare for marriage with classes and courses and material to prepare you while courting. If it doesnt work out then youve at least got yourself educated on those matters and can go look for Mister Right.
OPTION 2
>Ask about his beliefs
(Name), you know... I remember you said you are an atheist but I never asked what your main issue is that prevents you from believing. Cutting through all the typical stuff people say, what would be your one reason?
>answer that objection. (Scroll to find)
Tell him - did you know people do not need to have perfect proof for something to be believed. We only need reasonable evidence to believe it. We learn and grow more in our understanding as we grow in our faith, after we believe. [Explain reasonable evidence. ]
If he is anti convo on this just move to topic 2. If he is open a bit, move on here...
A lot of people dont know this - Did you know in the OT God tells us he would defeat death and the NT tells us how he did it?
Our problem and reason people dont want God to exist is because intuitively we know we are accountable to God for our sins. We know in our hearts and our conscience tells us when we do wrong. Doesnt matter if it is people in a far flung secluded tribe* or here in our country, everyone admits it.
>share the gospel.
Most people declare they are good based on their own standard, but God's standard is higher. So we need to understand the bad news before we get the good news.
How many lies do you think you have ever told in your whole life?...
[Use info at NeedGod.com]
(Law & Gospel... via good test).
Conclude:
Since we know these things are actually true, and that sinners are headed for judgment and damnation, we need to flee to Christ for salvation. Jesus said Repent and Believe (Mark 1:15). If we turn to Jesus and trust in Him [who he is and what he has done] he will save us. Right here right now, do you want to be right with God and desire to live rightly?
If he does then yay. If not then move to topic 2...
⭐️⭐️⭐️Topic 2⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
THE BREAK OFF
If you are jumping in without the gospel convo... If it hasnt been long or he doesnt really text you much you could start the convo with "Well I know we havent been dating long, and you dont seem to be very communicative but I think it is important to let you know..."
*main convo:
"The triune God is so important to me, and fills every area of my heart and thoughts that I lovingly obey Him, and I've realized that our relationship is not an area I was proplerly obeying him in since we are not both born again believers, God said I cannot be unequally yoked to you. We are on two diff paths, so I need to find a godly man who will one day be the head of the home and spiritual leader over the family. [I had prayed and hoped you would recieve and not rejected Christ today, but] I now know that I need to move on and want to wish you well in life. I do hope you turn to Christ and that I see you in Heaven one day". [Hand shake & leave].
*If you were living together, note that you will be moving out and have a place ready already, so you will be there in a few days to pack and move out. [Dont give exact day, even if its tomorrow! And always have 2 to 3 people with you there helping you pack & move it out. Never do this alone for safety reasons!]
Once you do the break up...Then block him on all socials and your phone. Notify all your friends that since he is not a believer and you are maturing in your faith, in order to obey God you have broken that unequal relationship off...and are pursuing God's will, knowing he will lead you to a mature godly man (who is right for you, at the right time). That you have no desire to speak of (name) again other than to say you shared the gospel with him and ask that you all pray for his salvation.
This will prevent him from trying to use some family & friends or from them butting in to try to get you to go back to him- as youve given firm reasons.
If the house is yours, consider moving it into a Trust so he has no access to it, and tell him it no longer belongs to you* so he has to move out by Saturday afternoon. Then change the locks.
If you have kids together then you'll have to make arrangements around child support and visitation. This offers suggestions.
Then... moving onward...
Read the Word daily, mature in the faith, and assemble & be active at Church every week.
*And then don't date anyone who hasn't been vetted as a truly saved man who is truly growing in holy living.
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If this break up is with a religious person:
This steps to break up can also be used to end things with a hindu, catholic, a agnostic, a muslim, someone in a cult, or even someone you suspect is actually a false convert. Any non born again believer that you attached yourself to and are convicted you need to cut this off immediately.
And go do it.
✨️Helps on dealing with their objections can be found here. You still need to figure out how that convo will likely go to meet their main objection well. Here is also something you can send them & ask them to look over at the end of day 1 or during the convo (at the convo).
Now, if you need to have the gospel convo on day 1 meet up, and break off on day two [to allow time on day 1 for talking through and "untangling religion" discussion with those in a religion] thats fine. But dont meet up with them later day 1. Keep distance and non communication till day 2 when you say you want to meet up briefly (and send them to the coffee or teashop address). If you are living with them, stay somewhere else tonight & be prepared to move out on day 2 or 3 (with others there!)
If they were given that last link at the end of day 2, ask "if they read Why Christianity and what their thoughts are today after thinking about it all." > if they still reject it, move on to break up. If they have genuine questions, answer as best you can and send them the link to their religion faq section to look more into it. Ask them to look it over this week and let you know after examining it, if they see their need for Christ as their Savior.
Have as little interaction as possible while they look it over that week. Very simple texts if they contact you. If they call make sure to be generic in interaction and ask "what they found interesting in that material or never realized about Christianity while examining it so far." That will reroute them in their day/evening to keep looking.
After they say they finished looking at it and thinking about it, or the deadline arrives, meet up over a light bite at a simple cheap place (bring someone else with you even if they drive you there) to either hear he wants Christ or for you to see he rejected the gospel... and there.... initiate break up convo.
You can do it. 🙂
Footnote:
Tribe- in 80s a deeply secluded canibal tribe was interacted with by missionaries. One thing they learned there was the people knew murder was wrong... and admitted "thats why they killed people in a diff village and not in their own." > The lengths people go to to justify their evil doing 😬.
Romans 2:15: "They show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and their thoughts sometimes accusing them and at times even defending them."
Related
Breaking off a bf fiance relationship ( with moving out tips with or without kids).
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