Leaving live in bf but we have communal property
Q:I have been with/live with my bf for 9 years. Neither of us were walking with the Lord. I came to the Lord a year ago.
I am growing leaps and bounds in the Faith. He is not happy about it. He hates that I've become this committed to Jesus. I know we are not to be with those that are unequally yoked. I'm not going to marry him unless he is saved. (We are not physically intimate and haven't been for over a year.)
It's easy to say "leave". But we share a home, bills, car payment, cell phone payment, everything intertwined as a married couple would. Neither of us can afford these bills on our own.
I have been praying constantly that God would use me to speak Jesus to him and that he would give his life to Jesus. I'm just not sure how to navigate this as we have been and still are very much in love and living a married lifestyle for 9 yrs.
I need advice.
A: Below are some ways to have those convos of faith, you cannot live unequally yoked. And you definitely do need to have your escape lined up first, for if he rejects Christ. Have some of this planned out in advance if possible, otherwise flee and deal with it later.
The below speaks to trying to reach him for Christ, and advice on preparing to exit the relationship.
God will provide what we need. If its minimalism for a while so be it. Don't cling to these things that have no eternal value.
It's better to obey God, sacrifice, lose stuff etc than to live in sin, and not under God's approval and blessing. The Apostles left all immediately and followed him, so if you are obedient then God will always provide. Even if like Job you lose it all. God may test your faith of obedience at this time, and lead you to just walk away from it all if necessary "to not grab or hold onto worldly temporary things". But you do need to get legally untangled from anything with your name on it. Just be willing to humbly let anything go for the sake of Christ, and preventing bitterness, arguments, hatred etc. So you can live rightly in this situation. After all you put yourself in it, even though you weren't saved at the time.
On exiting the relationship... for pursuing the communal joint property items and seeing what God may have you keep... think about and plan out the steps to take and what to do when, before jumping into it, and before announcing your departure.
I would say you certainly can get those dealt with after leaving too. A. This can be done by lawyer or court intervention if needed. B. Def do something regarding the car situation in notary writing immediately (the day b4 you leave) so youre not responsible for any criminal activity associated with the vehicles you leave to him until you sort out legally who gets what and title transfers by mail are done. Don't trust him to mail them to dmv, mail them off yourself. [Unless one is in your name and one his. Then you only need to deal with car insurance changes.], and in telling him your intentions regarding the house, and ither property and joint bills. If you put it in writing, sign in front of a mobile notary, or go to a post office shop that does notary [they can email you a copy of the notarized document right then, to use by email for whatever you need to regarding bills etc]. *Have 5 originals, you can leave one behind for him as a legal notice. 1 will be for you, 1 for your lawyer, 1 for him, 1 for the courts if needed for house dispute, and 1 for courts if vehicle dispute. You can also at a postal notary place [if you use thrm] have a certified copy of the journal entry given to you which you can also request to be in the email with the notary document so it's together. It may be acceptable to some bill places vs having to get a certified copy of the documents sent by mail. All originals, the email, the entry cert all cost money. Not a lot. But if it is a notice of your intentions and how you plan to handle all the property and bill division only you need to sign it. Each signature costs, so don't add him to it. However if you later/after can get him to [with your lawyer] notarized an agreement on him agreeing to what you have planned and your lawyer writes up best, then both of you can sign it and lawyer or you can use it in court if you need to take him to court for not honoring it. And it can be used as proof by email to businesses and bank loans etc re property for upholding it, for doing the work towards division and to not get stick with his costs for payments stuff.
Same with the house. He can buy you out immediately or it will go for sale. Have a lawyer involved prior to your exit. Your church, church folk, pastor, may have, use or know (or can connect you with others they trust or other pastors in your association of churches) to help recommend a lawyer for such situations. Possibly one in congregation may do it for free.
As far as a place to live, you can temp. go to family nearby and if that doesnt work... you can talk to your church congregation and pastor to find a single or retired single woman willing to let you stay with her for x time frame till you can get on your feet, and actively do so. And leave on time so church discipline doesn't start and you show yourself not to be trustworthy and without integrity. (See below link for more.)
Sacrifice and obey God, you need to leave if he is not Christian, you can't remain unequally yoked and just remember it's a grace and blessing you didn't marry! Unequally yoked marriages are a nightmare. So you do have to leave right away if he rejects Christ.
Now before you just bail out...you do want to give him opportunity to come to Christ, and God may use you to boldly go for it, as you have nothing to lose. Just do so in love. Here are suggestions to help you do so, but again, have your exit plans already planned and legal stuff in progress in order from lawyer convos, and a place to stay, and some church folk lined up to come help you pack and go, (when hes not home), so you can leave immediately.
Considerations to help you think through and plan out an exit, where to live, kids faq etc
Holding to a right mindset and godly speech esp in this/during a difficult situation, (and in Ministering to him towards Christ and in future convos).
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