Concerned relationship with unsaved bf
Q: I attend church and pray with my boyfriend. He is considering to join the military, but does uber for now. We have even been talking about marriage and recently we moved in together.
Everything seemed so perfect about him but now...I just dont know about a future together, and need advice.
We have been together 1.5 years and I just I found out (before we dated and when we weren’t together) that he has paid women for sex after meeting them in the club at least 5x, and unprotected. Some were in connection to his uber job.
I just thought to investigate after checking his Venmo and saw him send money ($150) to several girls. Upon seeing that I checked his Google timeline of when the money was sent and that’s when I saw the transactions were made at hotels for those 30 minute encounters.
So when I had this proof of it I discussed it, he tried to lie but then confessed, and said he was sorry and apologetic about it, and that he prayed to God to forgive him "after each time".
I am concerned about future encounters with his uber riders as well as he mentioned hes been invited numerous other times and have declined women.
His mentality was it because he felt like he was “not getting much play from women in az” and uses as sympathy that he aint “all that” as far as looks.
I know everyone makes mistakes, and I dont want to crucify him for his past but im just afraid this can happen again if he falls into temptation because its been done his life pattern before.
It seems like he will continue doing this stuff -and lie until caught. I might then be stuck with him forever cheating on me if we marry.
A: You already seem to know that this relationship is doomed.
I never heard you say he got saved, has been radically transformed and is walking a godly life now. That is the 🚨 blaring warning alarm going off...so he clearly sounds unsaved.
He not only lives like he is of the world but has no problem wasting money, and is focused on himself. 👉 He will not change if you marry him. That is a pie in the sky lie women believe thinking they can fix him. It never works. Never.
Men of God, those who are saved, do not behave like this or have disrespectful sexual mentality towards women. They respect God, his design, use self control, think godly, and hold to belief that sex is only a gift from God to be used only in marriage. And they do not have sex "outside of marriage" but only in legal marriage with their one spouse for life. He sounds like a child of Satan who preys on women so he can gratify his sexual lusts [is led by his sin nature]. He likely may have already preyed on you and due to lack of maturity in faith you allowed him to pulled you into fornication instead of standing up for and on the truth of God unwaveringly, and never allowed a relationship to even start.
Believers are not to be in relationships with unsaved people. Flee that relationship. He has remorse not contrition. He is like Judas not Peter. We are called to not be unequally yoked, commanded by God.
👉We cannot rebelliously willfully enter into such sinful relationships. It puts you in a position of non blessing and cuts off your prayers to God. If you are saved God will warn you [such as with this advice] and then discipline you to bring you back to the right path (and that can be by loads of problems in life, illness or death if you persist & delay). He has no use for rebellious servants on earth who do not obey and serve him rightly (as they are called into). He is better off taking you out of this world and using someone else who will be faithful to him.
Next steps:
Immediate actions
1. You should move home temp short term till you get settled in your own place If theres no family or friends who can temp. help you... or you have no money to move on your own (God knows the truth so do not lie)... then...
2. Since you go to church...go ask the pastor to help find a place to stay (immediate need).
>Tell him you fell into sin, moved in with your bf, but sought counsel, have repented and need to move out immediately to obey God to live rightly.
>>Ask him if he can locate any believer (single woman) at church who could temporarily let you stay with them two months so you can get back on track. A contract is needed so do not take advantage of people like unsaved evil people do. Get it notarized the day you arrive to move in. Notaries are mobile and can meet you there. Have the home owner write up a contract with specific timeframes, house rules, and the move out date on there.
>>Optionally or after temp stay...
You might be able to find a room to rent 💵 from a believer at the church for longer, but have it as a lease rental contract notarized, (👉so you do not take advantage of people like unsaved evil people do), have it include all the rules and requirements, parking rule, noise rules, etc as well as rental due date. Have it auto wired from your bank to their acct. so it is always paid on time.
📍Put an ad out in the church bulletin if needed. Respect boundaries in the home/apt and do not bother them while there. Be a great tenant, grateful for a place to stay.
>> If that doesnt work, which it should... and if you have no money, ask pastor if the church budget funds for temporary help for members to help you for a month or two (used only to find a place to live). And be accountable to God and him by proper usage of that money. Have that money sent to the residence you found (and have proof of the cobtract you show him) so YOU dont touch that money. But only get a place you can afford to pay rent at after that money is gone.
🔖If you need food there help till you are on your feet, use the church food pantry for cheap meals or go to a food pantry place for temporary help.
🔖If you have personal stuff that needs moving out see if church members can help you (when he is not there). It can be dangerous to do this by yourself or while he is there. (Men have murdered people for leaving). Have it stored at your friends or family temporarily, and sell off (by app or yardsale) anything unnecessary so you have funds - and then live minimally.
🏷If you used church money then give back to the church from the second hand sales or from your paycheck to return that money so it is there for another "in need" member. Don't just take stuff and be a bad steward and put other believers in limbo who need that money to help them too.
3. You will fall under church discipline if you dont repent of your sexual sins and forsake them, repent of and forsake your unequally yoked relationship, repent of your living together, and you need to get out of that relationship and leave that dwelling place immediately. You cannot live in sin and think you are fine with God.
So heed this now and get back on the right track. Please flee.
Once you flee....
Make sure you are reading Scripture daily in the morning, obeying what you read, AND attending church and Sunday school classes regularly, being involved in the church.
Remain single. Do not date any man in the future who has not been vetted as a true born again believer. This may involved him meeting the decons and Pastor for true deep probing to see of he is saved and if he is worthy to date or court you.
When you do find someone... Never ever meet at each others place, go away on a overnight trip, or go anywhere without a godly chaperone. Focus on dating or courting with the goal of marriage.
You can find chaperones among the folk at church who are godly mature believers.
Use this single life time to get deep in the Scriptures and grow into maturity of faith. Once you are ready God will bring the right man into your life.
In closing,
People tend to have a low view of God and that is why they sin and live like the world.
You need to learn about God and holiness to have a proper right High view of God so you properly fear him and live out a godly life.
Go through this study once you move out.
Who is God - know His attributes, his character and nature, for a proper understanding of who He is.
Resources for Believers is a wealth of helps to grow you in the faith.
God bless
*Bookmark this page and go through all of this in the coming weeks and months .
