Friend has struggles needs God
A friend is having life struggles, believes in God but won't really engage in convos about God.
I have a childhood best friend I’ve known since we were in babies. We’ve been off and on friends and have had a bit of a rocky past, but even with that I care about her.
She had a break up recently and has been extremely depressed and is drinking/smoking. I’ve been trying to talk to her about God by messenger, but she doesnt say much when we interact and avoids Christian convos. She says she’s a Christian and believes in God.
In the past she has used me and I’ve had to take a step back from our friendship. I really do care about her and my heart aches because just a year ago I was where she is. I am just finding out this year what my faith really means and having a relationship with God. So I have no idea how to talk to her about this and get through her head…I’m so lost I have no idea what to do. Her social media has become so depressing I’ve had to mute her on a few things.
Need advice. Do I need to just stop and unfriend her or do I keep pursuing? I just want her to experience the freedom I have. This interaction has been going on for a month now.
A: I did read the chat screenshots you shared. I cannot tell from your name what your gender is. It appears male so I will speak to this as a opposite gender question.
You have reached out to her, and she has read what you said. You called her to seek help from God, encouragements were placed
God can draw her closer to himself, and always does at the right time.
When we hit the bottom it is sometimes the only time and place they find God.
Right now she is focused on wrong thinking and wrong living but OP just needs to pray to God for her. It is good that you recognize she is likely not saved (false convert, idolator etc) and wants her to understand (a lot that she hasnt this far).
I think meeting up can have benefits. Gibber jabber online sometimes isnt of much use as when irl interactions happen. It brings realism into it.
When you meet up with her make sure to keep platonic boundaries. No matter what. If she meets you she might think you are her shoulder and try to see you as a replacement to that other guy. Don't let that happen. We are not to be unequally yoked (friendships, relationships or business partnerships) so just see her as a lost person, a neighbor or associate who needs Christ.
She could be as you noted an idolator &/or false convert, so you should at some point probe about her salvation. Ask her testimony and then why she thinks shes saved/right with God. If there was no radical transformation after she claims to have come to Christ and she cannot articulate the gospel then she mightve embraced a false gospel and is following a god she prefers. Idolatry isnt just worshipping statues. Ask how her current decisions for coping with issues align with Scripture. We are to get our counsel and helps from God's Word not from the ways of this world that offer no solution.
Note, not to say that God fixes her life [as if it is a "self focused happy"] but that Jesus will walk through this life with her and lead her through any situations, trials, temptations etc. And he does it by her putting His Word (Bible) in her heart and the Holy Spirit guiding her. If she isnt focused on Him, if her life doesnt center around Him then it is centered and focused on self.
Be careful about the Gospel you share. We dont "try" God, we put "on" the righteousness of Christ. This will explain the error of life enhancement and the false Gospel it preachers does damage to those who don't end up with what their sinful selfish heart desires. Their desire needs to be to be right with God and to desire righteousness.
This is a fallen sin stained world of suffering and there is no hope nor help to get thru it without God actively in her life. She as a believer needs to be in Church regularly actively so others there can help her thru education, counsel and their care over her as well as for her to be active in church community there.
People tend to run from God and avoid Him, Scripture and church when they want to live in sin. So if she is not a prodigal then she needs salvation.
Since she claims a belief in God at least, you might go thru the above concerns with her and some targeted counseling helps might be useful to her to get her thinking God focused. Which might lead her towards God.
I wouldnt really write her off right now but do be very careful with boundaries and it is best to never meet with her alone. Even if a godly other believer joins you at a place in public you can talk on these issues and sits a table or bench away just for precautions and to hold you accountable.
If she continually refuses to get right with God or back on the righteous path then you should part ways. God might bring others into her life who will lead her to Christ. And seeds you planted will not return void at that time.
Don't allow her to be a time suck and have your thoughts and efforts focused on her. If she belongs to Satan you dont want him tying you up with her to keep you from doing God's work elsewhere. Move on, free you up to go share the gospel with others and spend your time in the Word and in your local church to do what else he wants you to be doing.
On the meetings.
When you meet up tell her you have been praying for her and you have experienced a similar situation so you understand how it can seem devastating but you do need to move on and you do need to overcome these thoughts and being stuck focusing only on this problem. Tell her that it is a good thing she didnt get stuck with that guy and that God must have someone better in mind for her. So instead of going your way go God's way and get the blessing he wants to give you.
Plan two meetings. The first one is to try to get her to see things [her sitiation] from a biblical perspective (and as a call to action) encourage her to read some verses that help when going through a hard time, also suggest a particular book in the Bible to read. 👈 Figure those out before you meet. Do ask her how often she reads the Bible and when was the last time. Ask if she looked for answers for counseling from the Word on her situation, and if she knows where to look. Ask the last time she was at church and if she is a member anywhere. *Tuck that info into your mind for future convos.
Let her have a meet up here that is not totally only focused on her problem with non stop Christian talk. Let her feel relaxed, safe with you, and help her have a moment of normalcy, but do end the meet up over prayer, think on 4 things that are important based on the meet up and to ask God to guide her and lead her as she looks at Scripture this week.
The second meet up can follow up on her action items and then move into confirming her salvation status. Also share counseling resource link to her on depression. Ping it to her by message before the end of your meet up, and again close the time in prayer.
Meet up again as you see the need and progress. If there isnt any and you find she hasnt gone thru the material once you meet up the 3rd time. Find out if she has made progress with moving on from the break up, if not, let her know that you have tried to help her so she can heal from this as fast as possible and move on but cannot do anything else bcuz she isnt self counseling. Recommend she goes to a counselor. Ask if she would be willing to meet one. If yes you want to call and make an appt right then and there. Pre look up a counselor and have called to ensure that one can help with depression and alcohol due to a break up. Make sure the counselor has availability. That way if she says yes to counseling then you can set it up right then. And mark your calendar so you can pick her up and take her there. Take her to eat something afterwards and don't probe or mention anything, but you can generally enquire if the session went well. Make sure to pray over the food and mention to God that you are glad she is taking steps to overcome her struggles and that she went to counseling that will help her and that you hope she will continue the counseling and be blessed by it. Thank God that you could help her towards that victory, and pray for a nice meal and safe travels home.
*On the drive home ask her the date and time of her next counseling appountment and ask if she would like a ride there and just someone to be with her for a bit afterwards, like today. If yes great. If no, then let her know she can message you anytime if she changes her mind or wants a ride to church.
Leave it in God's hands, even if you never hear from her again.
Note. If she has no money you can contact Focus on the Family and ask to speak to a free counselor. They'll give you a contact. Call in advance and let them know you have a long time friend who has children and due to a break up with a boyfriend she is struggling with depression, is drinking and smoking (and considering leaving/dumping her kids to her mother). She claims to be Christian and needs some good counsel to move on from this break up and to know how to seek bible counsel for when she encounters life problems in this sin stained world where suffering exists.
The self counseling link has a alcohol counseling video, does have good helps on depression, and speaks to smoking. So before moving to professional counseling, perhaps find a mature believing woman/couple at church who would be okay with hosting you both at her place in a neutral location where you can go through the resources - watching on her computer (before your 2nd actual meet up) if it might help get her to go through the rest of the self counseling areas prior to your 2nd meet up.
Find the most important article or video for each topic to review at that ladys house. Have some snacks and prayer. Thank the host and head out.
Send a thank you card to the host and thank her again at church. Ask her to pray this week that your friend will choose biblical advice and get back on the righteous path.
It is fine if the lady is older, single or married. The plan is just for her/them to provide a safe space, and be in the home/patio somewhere during the est time you will be there. Try not to go over 3 hours but set a time in advance, and bring the snacks, as well as some for the home couple. Make sure to greet her/them and thank them for the use of their home (when you arrive) and give proper goodbye and thanks too.
After all the above attempts she doesnt realign with God and Scripture then you can mute her on social media, yet keep the messenger chat open, so if she gets saved or has finally overcome those issues she can tell you. Even if it is a few years later.
If she becomes hostile to you because of God and Christianity then you can cut off relations and leave her knowing God is soverign and He can lead others into her life to bring her to true saving faith.
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