Should I marry a cheap minded man
Q: My fiancé makes $250k a year, but he is the cheapest person I've ever met. For my engagement ring, he bought a "placeholder" silver band for $20 and said we'd buy a real one "later." Now that we're planning the wedding, he wants the reception to be at a public park with "potluck" food because he thinks spending money on a wedding is a "scam."' I've worked hard for my own money and I want a nice day, but he says he'll only contribute if we do it his way. He even suggested I wear a used dress from a thrift store to "save the environment." Am I shallow for wanting a "real" wedding, or is his extreme frugality a sign that I'll be miserable "forever"?
A: Today, esp in cities, 250k isnt always what it seems. Especially in today's economy. He likely has a mortgage, home maint costs, higher end car pmt & ins, and other expenses that take up most of that. If you grew up poor you might think thats gobs of money, and are wrong thinking about it. Many higher income folk live above their means & some try to get out of that paycheck to paycheck life they're living too. But they cant if financially irresponsible.
And, it is a real wedding. The focus is your covenant being made together; the focus is you wed'ding. Not trying to besomething you arent, like a show off, nor be wasteful with finances.
I will say many cultures dont have rings. A simple ring is fine. Some wear silicone ones due to job types, others dont wear after marriage for other safety reasons. Where is your heart at, are you focused on things?? Also,"if" hes an environmental extremist nutter it is not compatible with a biblical worldview. And def not the right person for you. If hes not saved, hes not even qualified to be your fiance. Talk with your pastor & his wife on this matter for guidance.
Many marry at JOTP and have long marriages. Same with simple church or Vegas weddings. Beach or park weddings sound pretty.
Maybe just do special wedding photos as a good compromise. And if you cant find a rental dress or nice thrifted one, find the beat alternative possible. Even if its borrowed just for the good photos. Today wedding dresses can be rented instead of bought. Theyre too expensive today (on purpose to prop up that money pit industry).
He might not want to waste money and has good financial sense. But instead of asking the world... 👉 why arent you having this convo with him?? If you cant do that, your marriage will fail anyway cuz you dont communicate. So a $20k/$50k wedding isnt the issue, you are. Both in wanting extravagance that isnt financially wise (which doesnt even reflect your normal means), but also in not even being able to conflict resolve with genuine convos with him. If that is your mindset, you wont be able to handle a million other challenges that come your way in marriage. Not submit to him [off chasing others opinions instead of letting him lead].
Also youre assuming he is cheap and that you'll be miserable. Do what you shouldve dkne all along. Go...discuss it, then either walk away or submit to his leading decision, which will be your default in marriage anyway. If you cant do that, then dont marry anyone, as you'll only bring the husband and yourself misery your whole life, since like Eve you'll only desire to usurp his role as head of the home, and not be submitting to God either.
The focus shouldnt be on how to look rich, nor to show off, but is to celebrate your joining together as one, before God, and loved ones, to live on mission in Christ, to the glory of God. The wedding points to God and the Gospel. Just as your life should now & afterwards.
Talk with God in prayer, repenting of what you need to [esp "me, me" focused mentality & ingratitude], go to your fiance and discuss these issues, get guidance on ring upgrade timeline, what to expect, what is responsible financially with it, as he might want to propose wuth simethung, but let you pick out somethung reasinsble that youll like, soon. Compromises on the dress and a nice wedding or pre wedding photoshoot [look up Korean pre wedding photography] and just recieve photos your guests send you from the wedding. It should be a day filled with love, not all the material minded stiff the wedding industry has duped folk into. That part is indeed a scam. Ps. Potluck food is delicious!
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