My husband doesnt help at home, how can I address in a biblical way, so theres change
Q: What is the biblical way to respond when you want your husband to do something or help out more around the house without him saying you are nagging? He says I keep nagging him, but I feel like he says no so often when I ask for help. So I ask again for him to please help me and it eventually leads to why won’t you just help me? And also I hate asking him to do things. I wish he would just do things clearly needing done. Obviously I’m frustrated. He says he feels like I don’t respect when he says no. But I feel like he’s always saying no, and thats not respecting his spouse nor loving.
A: If hes saved he would help, as a servant of Christ & out of love towards God and you. He would always actively by nature be putting God & you first. Those equally yoked are treated equal and serve one another, and as leader sets the godly example. ✝️
If unequally yoked, youre dealing with someone in their sin nature who only does something if they get something out of it (look good to others, boasting, benefits, reciprocation etc). Behind the closed doors of the home, he will only do something if he cares what visitors or his kids think of him, and only on certian things. If he sinfully decides its only a womans job to do xyz, he will perpetrated that in the home, thus absolve himself of said work, to just have a maid and sex slave he always wanted, so he can feel king of the castle in a wrong way (pridefully, arrogantly as if he thinks he is above you, as a god), and live comfirtably while you slave away exhausted.
Only God can change him, by transforming him into a new creation, thru obeying the Gospel.
You'll be stuck dealing with unequally yoked life until he is saved, if ever, or he divorces you (freeing you). But if he uses and mistreats you as unsaved spouses do, you still have to do all that you gotta do at home and in the relationship, but in a loving & godly way [as Christ did for mankind]. Do it as service to God, loving on this enemy of you and God, and minister more boldly and be equipped. Your focus needs to be consistently, clearly, communicating the Gospel well, and lovingly calling him to it. To hope he gets saved and radically changed. Not just for your relationship, but primarily to be right with God. His relationships with people will be restored and right cuz hes saved and living out that (progressingly).
This below & related resources can really help. Go through all of them. ✅️
I would additionally consider 2-3 other things to help. 1. creating a household board (wipe off). Put it prominently where he can always see it. I wouldn't say next to the tv or his gaming pc 😅, but like the entry to kitchen, between living room and kitchen, maybe not on the fridge cuz he likely isnt there often.
Get a big enough dry erase board, or a large digital device screen you can insert a USB in for displaying full view of at at least 20 font on full sized Excel sheet, Write out every chore and task that needs done and put in bold red the things for that day. Update it every day (at night b4 bed, so he sees you working on it). Tell him and the kids, everyone lives here so everyone participates. Kids each do their reg chores and 2 red things on this list. You expect your husband to do his reg plus 5 red things on the list DAILY. No excuses.
Put the ones you will do, not excessive, ensure you proper daily rest time like everyone else, gives you Bible and prayer time too.
2. If they dont do it, hire a [unattractive, non talker, who only responds to you] maid "service" to come in and do those chores not done that day (for the day after). And he has to pay that bill. He will eventually start helping and doing what needs to be done, cuz that's money hes losing, and he has to pay out. So hes got a loss, thus the benefit to his sinful self is holding on to his money. Too bad for him. Too bad for the budget. 3. Gotta scrimp on meals to pay the service, ok. They'll wise up 😉 fast, as it affects them all.
Have her over when hes not there if youre in daytime. And likewise a baby sitter from church [safety and protection from worldly people & abusers if kids] over while you can rest and do some on your green list or relax before you start your assigned home tasks.
You have to make changes, for change to happen.
⭐️Most important change the family needs is salvation. Cuz with it comes the new nature, new desires, desires to serve God and others, actively look to help, and be selfless and show their love towards you and the family.
God bless
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