When do I leave? Does God want this for me?
Q: At what point would you leave?
Im 24. My husband has been giving me the silent treatment for 3 days. I have told him over & over again (for 4 years) that that is not okay, and I cannot deal with that for the rest of my life. He does it time & time again whenever there’s any kind of conflict. Even it’s not that big of a deal or could’ve been talked through very easily. I am a stay at home mom to his 3 year old son (my stepson) and our 2 year old son. I do not want to do this anymore... but I’m trying to be a Christian wife. God cant want this for me. I do not wanna be 40 years old still praying & asking for these things still.
I’ve seen women stay in these kinds of marriages forever and still praying. I can’t even imagine
What would you do?
A: You dont [leave]. God wants you to stay.
If you married unequally yoked, thats your lot in life, however you got there (in rebellion or got saved after). You have to persevere. It's important that your heart is right with God, you're pursuing holiness, as your thoughts/responses towards him flow from a new heart. God uses these things to grow us in Faith, into maturity. This life isnt easy, (unless your equally yoked cuz together in Christ you can face what comes in life). But its full if suffering, struggle and sin. Our best life won't be until eternity.
It can be very difficult for a believer and an unbeliever to live in peaceful harmony (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). If one partner becomes a Christian after the marriage, the inherent struggles of living under two different authorities quickly become apparent; light vs darkness, righteousness vs sin, Christ vs Satan.
Often Christians in this situation will look for a way out of the marriage, convinced that this is the only way to truly bring honor to God. His Word, however, says the contrary. It is very important not only to be content in our situation, but also to look for ways to bring glory to Him out of our challenging circumstances (1 Corinthians 7:17). The Bible specifically addresses those who are married to unbelievers in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14: “…If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband…”
Christians married to unbelievers will need to pray for the power of the Holy Spirit to enable them to profess Christ and live in the light of God’s presence (1 John 1:7). They should seek God’s transforming power to change their hearts and produce the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). A Christian wife is obligated to have a submissive heart, even toward her unbelieving husband (1 Peter 3:1) [unless it goes against the Faith (Acts 5:29)], and she will need to remain close to God and rely on His grace to enable her to do so.
Christians are not meant to live solitary lives; they need to find support from outside sources such as the church brethren, leaders and biblicsl counselors. Being married to an unbeliever does not alter the sacredness of the relationship, so it should be the priority of every Christian to pray for his or her spouse and set a good example, allowing Christ’s light to shine brightly (Philippians 2:14). May the truth found in 1 Peter 3:1—that an unbelieving spouse is “won over”—be the hope and goal of every Christian who is married to an unbeliever.
Your first place to seek guidance is with your pastor & his wife in counseling. And go to a biblical counselor after that, so they can guide you in Scripture and into being a godly wife.
You'll need guidance on communicating and conflict resolution. It would be good if he would agree to marriage counseling too, so your marriage and relationship can be better. [And take him to a biblical one. Theyll also address the Gospel with him].
We have to realize that we who were made new live out "what flows out from within". We arent like the unsaved who only sin. We have a new nature; which from it flows love, the love of God, by the Righteous nature/Fruit of the Spirit (see Gal 5). And we are to have the right spirit and mindset to be like God towards those who are enemies in sin, by patience, grace and love, and being forgiving, as we likewise imitate Christ, who endured all even unto death for us. The marriage & Gospel are related, and we cant just sever it at whim (cuz God doesnt do that to us). We are to live rightly.
It would be helpful and good for you to go through these.
Divorce & Remarry
If you proceed in rebellion, youre going to suffer the consequences, incl God's discipline. You cant ever remarry, and ate living in sin, outside His Will, and he wont bless you nor hear your prayers.
Don't choose rebellion again, it leads to destruction, and if living in sin... willfully... your salvation is in question.
May you submit to God, today, and grow into maturity as a person and professing believer. God can use you in the home to eventually lead him to Christ. Until then he will live in sin, and not as God nor you desire, cuz he can't. So your life has to draw him, planting seeds, to Christ. You're the only Jesus he sees; live Christlike, carrying your cross daily, & trusting God.
Keep growing in the Christian mindset, spirit & nature, to help you, along with wearing the armor of God, godly believers in your life and by whom you seek counsel and guidance from so you can minister well in your home, to lead your family to Christ.
I've been at it myself almost 30 years. Praying daily, living as best I can before him, renewing my mind by the Word, and trusting God. Hopefully your outcome wont take as long, but everything is in God's timing. The goal is to be an obedient a living sacrifice to God, with the hope that before the spouse (or kids) die, that they'll be saved. I know folk who got saved at 70, 90, 102, 107. And folk who got saved after a loved one died. The prayer is that they get saved. Life here is short, eternity long. We want them to be right with God and be with (us and) Jesus in eternity. Not focused on us, and the temporary life here, but on them being right with God and with their Savior in eternity (never ending life & blessing).
God bless.
