Living with an atheist husband who doesnt want me living out my faith.

Q: I grew up in an atheist family. My experiences with Christians growing up were mostly negative because they judged us for not believing. Our beliefs (or lack there of) were typically not respected and to be honest I grew a bit resentful of Christianity because of all the judgement and ridicule we received from Christians throughout my life. 

Fast forward to present years, I met my now husband. Also an atheist. We are very logical people and sat down before dating to make sure we had the same life goals. At the time, it was very important to us that we did not date a Christian (no offense, we have some Christian friends but to date one when youre not one is a different story) we also agreed that we didnt want our future children exposed to Christianity either. My husband comes from a Christian family but after his mother died at 13, became an atheist. He was often forced to go to church as a child which is why he doesnt want our children exposed,  unless they are old enough to decide for themselves. 

We met a wonderful Christian family a couple years ago who was not judgmental on our lack of beliefs and they became like family to us, our village. They never pushed their religion on us nor treated us differently. They love us the way Jesus expects us to love others which eliminated the resentment I had toward Christianity. 

Well something absolutely INSANE happened (a story best saved for another post) and I’m now a believer. There’s no way God isn’t real to me. I’ve been reading the Bible, doing a devotional, have a Christian counselor and joined a life group. I’m all in, Jesus has my heart forever. 

However, I found God at a time where my husband and I were having a tough year with each other. He was very emotionally distant and not very supportive of my dreams and ambitions. He was quite depressed that entire year. I remained very happy but because my cup was being filled by my amazing friendships and my passion that turned into a business but not because I was in a happy marriage. He is a good husband and man. Has never once raised his voice at me and has always been respectful. He just became depressed and our dynamic started to feel like roommates. 

We had a talk about my spirituality, it was a respectful conversation but one of the things he said echos in my mind “this is not what I signed up for”. We did lightly talk about a divorce but ultimately he decided that sounds extreme and would like to continue to do life together. He asked that I respect his beliefs by not dragging him to church and talking about it too much with him. Fair ask. I don’t listen to my gospel music around him, I don’t host Bible studies in our own home, i pray silently in my head and I limit how much Jesus talk I have too or around him. 

It’s been really hard honestly. My heart yearns for a Christian husband. I often quietly cry in church surrounded by families and I’m there alone. I keep fantasizing about one day meeting someone else and having more children (my husband and I are done having children). My parents divorced and my life improved and I have half and step siblings that I’m so close with. So the idea of starting fresh with someone I’m more compatible with does tug on my heart strings in a way I wish it didn’t. I was searching for answers on what to do and clear as day found it in Scripture. That a woman should continue to be married to her ungodly husband for as long as he shall live with her for how else could he find the Lord (paraphrasing). 

I felt relief knowing the answer of how to go about this in a Godly way. Remain in my marriage and show him through behavior and actions how Jesus can transform your person for the better. That is what I’ve been doing. I feel like a better person, mother and wife. The closer I get to God (I’m in beginning stages of my education) the better I become/feel. However, my husband has slipped back into depression. He told me his trigger was me playing gospel music. I don’t intentionally play Christian music in front of him but Spotify algorithm knows me well. I simply skip the song as soon as I notice. It’s really defeating to me that I try so hard to respect his boundaries but when Jesus naturally and lightly flows from me in small ways, it triggers him. I am only in the beginning stages of knowing Jesus and I fear for my marriage because I’m only going to transform more and more. Jesus is continuing to take up more and more space in my life. 

There was a Jesus themed talent show in my area that I really wanted to go to. I found a yodeling Jesus song I wanted to perform but required some practice. I ended up not going because my husband said it was a trigger to hear me sing about Jesus. 

I feel like for my husband to be with me and not be triggered/depressed he has to forget to the best of his abilities that I’m now a Christian. I’m now feeling resentment I don’t want to feel towards both my husband for not loving this side of me that is the best version of myself, my family for not raising me to love Jesus because I’ve now built a life that did not have Jesus in mind, as well as Jesus for wanting me to stay in a marriage we are both unhappy in. Though I know I would be heartbroken to leave him too. Feels like there’s no winning and it’s a long long road ahead. I’m feeling depressed now and cry myself to sleep quite often. Just doing normal life things is hard. I haven’t opened my Bible in a few days because to get closer to God = getting further from husband.

A: Praise God you both are seeing godly believers living out the Faith, and they in yalls life can be a further witness to him, too. 

Praise God he lead you to Christ and restored you to Himself. ✨️😊

Know that you're desires to see your husband saved and living out the transformed life as you are, with Christ as Savior and loving our triune God... is good. You just need to find ways to shine Christ in the home and have conversations with him, to get seeds planted and him thinking on these matters, which also affect his eternity. This can be a hard long task, but youre called to minister to him. God will bring along others in his life to water the seeds you planted. 

It is normal that hes hostile to God, as hes spiritually dead, blind and has no real understanding. If he did, he would fling himself at Jesus feet in a nanosecond, (which I hope one day he will when he receives the Gospel unto himself). You'll have a divided life together unequally yoked until he does get saved. This has been clearly presented as the truth in Scripture and we see it constantly play out in life, depending on how it became unequally yoked. But God works in and through all that, to bring about good: your spiritual growth, equipping you to better share the Gospel, draws you closer to God, and helps you love your husband more with a true love (like God has for us). 

You def need to be in the Word daily and prayer, as your husband is watching you; regardless how hes negative. You have to show youre living a transformed godly life and that your love for God us #1. You dont push God to the side to cater to your husband. Your life is God focused, theres nothing else it can be, as youre a new creation in Christ. So dont neglect the One who loved you, saved you and whom youre saying you love and serve. If your husband was in a coma or dies today youre relationship with God continues on. Its the only intimate & eternal relationship you have. People come and go, but God is our #1. You need to be faithful to God first. Everything else flows from that, in your life. 

Unsaved people will misunderstand, wrongly judge us and worse- wrongly judge God, as noted earlier, cuz they dont understand. Unless they were folk who are religious and not saved (followers in false religions claiming to be Christian, or prideful young believers who lacked maturity) Christians, true Christians will never mock or judge the unsaved, cuz they too once were spiritually dead, blinded, ignorant of truth and God and His love. God's love (based on his nature, character, attributes) flows out of a Believer cuz He lives in them and has transformed them. Thus the Fruit of the Spirit naturally flows out of them, having been restired to God, have spiritual life in the inner man, know theyre unworthy but recieved God's grace, so they are patient, forgiving, kind, gracious & loving towards the lost. They say like Jesus "Father forgive them for they know not what they do". The unsaved hate God and Christians unjustly, persecute, harm and even kill us. So when in truth were showing care, love, concern, and desire folk (like yall when athiest) to come to know God, salvation and life as it was meant for us to live, they get angry cuz they love their sins; since sin is all they can do 247 365 due to their sin nature. So there will always be battle between light and darkness, God's children & Satan's children. 

Like how that family you encountered lived the truth out in love, cared about you and were used by God to lead you to Christ. Then everything exploded in your spirit, mind, heart ❤️ to truth, Revelation and all that you know, love and embrace now. 

You'll need to likewise minister to your husband and be the light of Christ in the home. Its a ministry God has called you to, no matter how long it takes, even if he doesn't get saved till youre long gone living in eternity. The prayer is that he gets saved. Life is short here but eternity never ending. His salvation is what youre focused on being a part of as God uses you to that goal. 

It is likely he even back then when young, had no idea what Christianity is, teaches, nor who God is. Those are things you can share so he starts to be drawn by God to truth. 

There's also many benefits of athiest kids going to church, and especially today its important for them. 

https://snsanswers.blogspot.com/2022/08/more-benefits-of-attending-church.html?m=1 This will help you have that convo😊. And if yall have kids... take them with you to church every Sunday, to Awana, to vbs, to special events and Easter Christmas. Youre doing what God called you to do "train them up in the Lord". Youre educating them so they too can decide, after having the info needed, to decide for themselves. Which also is a reminder to him that its not his choosing or yours [actually its God's; but the child coming to Christ has to recieve it & obey the Gospel to be saved]. Some use words like the child makes the decision. So the husband shouldn't try to stop the child, is what im saying. Its not his right to prevent him from having a Faith, morals and life principles to follow.

Repressing your faith is like saying youre ashsmed of Christ, and that cant be. You cant repress your faith around him, because 1. It's who you are & 2.he needs to see you living it out. Christian friends over visiting and hanging out will naturally have Christian conversations. You saying Christian things cuz thats your nature, it will outflow from you. If hes trying to stop that or make you remove Christ and push him in a closet, thats not loving. And he claims to love you, married you too. So finding kind ways to address that with him is important. Cuz hes oblivious or doing it on purpose, lacking love. 

You having Christian convos with him is important (think of what athiest Penn Teller said about Christians https://youtu.be/MusFoM2dwJY?si=sHvV3B2koP3DJck0 ), and tell him that also is why you would talk and live as a Christian, cuz its who you are. You care about him, and desire to see him living as one restored to God too. And that Christianity is about real love as much as it is about truth and having a right relationship with God. Theres nothing negative about it. Nothing forceful. 

Satan tries to use the unsaved, even your husbsnd, to wage spiritual warfare on you, to shut you up, to get you to put your Bible aside, or your faith to accommodate others who are intolerant of what you hold dear. If your husband loves you, he would look into what interests you have and find out why it matters so much. Maybe Satan is oppressing him to depression or his sin nature is, cuz he is fighting against the sinfilled life he wanted, and God just smashed a wrecking ball through it. He was happy in his sins snd now has to think about God again. Let God use that, as He works in and through you to reach your husband.

As far as your dreams and ambitions, if its based in the world, career and etc, then you should cut that out, so you can live under your husband's leadership [head of home and family, but not his spiritual leadership cuz hes not saved]. Using this time to submit to God by submitting to your husband, and giving another way to show Christianity to him, by your sacrifice in that area. If its a Christian business, thats driving a big wedge between you, (and isnt necessary to be doing right now), as he is your focal ministry. Sure you can leave tracts laying around, and when out by yourself you can witness by convo and handing out tracts, but its probably a better decision to not be focused on z business right now, cuz your marriage and him need to be your primary ministry. You can find ways to serve at church (with whatever gift God has given you to use there). 

If hes depressed its cuz hes discontent & dissapointed; the life he wanted to build was shattered. But God has something better in store for him if hes brought a godly wife to him. Scripture says thats actually a blessing. 

Proverbs 16:9: "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." 

Psalm 37:23-24: "The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand." 

Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This reassures us that God's plans are for our good.

Proverbs 31:10-31: "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels." 

Proverbs 18:22: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." 

Hes fighting against God... and not loving you when he complains about your music choices or convos, he wouldn't have cared if its any other thing. And shows hes judging you; the thing he hates Christians to do to him [in his mind], which if you need to state in a truthful caring respectful way, might also be a seed to get him thinking. Depressed or not. He cant use that stuff to try to manipulate you into silence, to pretend your not Christian, living out that life. If he loves you he has to accept thats who you are now. He has to love you for who you are. Not try to squash and silence you so he can happily continue to live in sin. Change is good, God is good. 

Im glad you searched Scripture & found that verse and others like it for wives, so it can guide you. And youre right, you are going to transform more and more, and he will have to live with it. He will get over it. But you also have to pursue him so hes not a roomate, you don't want him living a seperate life from you; you're one. Just as you and Christ are one [illustration]. You just have to trial and error navigating life unequally yoked to your husband, living godly, to draw him to Christ. 

Have Christian convos, but be wise in the timing and info you discuss, as hes going to have limited attention and care about it since hes naturally in opposition to it. 

• Romans 10:14-15: "How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!'"

• 2 Timothy 4:2: "Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching."

• 1 Peter 3:15: "But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect."

• Colossians 3:16: "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God."

Here's resources to help you to grow in the Faith as a woman and wife, and unequally yoked resources. And helps to share Christian truths with him too, so he understands Why Christianity, and helps to answer his objections & share the Gospel.  

Sometimes its best to get right to the heart of it, than spend years beating around the bush, [ as he could die before then, if you delay]. And you desire him to be saved sooner so yall can live for Christ together. 

Know that God/Christianity/witnessing "addresses the conscience", not the intellect. Christianity is truth, reasonable, and based on evidence, not blind faith. God will guide you to wisely use apologetics to get to the conscience where the Gospel convicts, and calls him to salvation. God does that work in him. You're just the messenger. 

This also has skeptic faq answers to help you address his objections along the way. You might even know some already hes voiced. Go through these to get equipped well for convos, esp if he wont look at info. Get a feel for these truths so you can minister well, led by the Holy Spirit. 😊✨️✝️. If he becomes softened a bit, and might have some interest in looking at what hes rejected about Christianity & what he should know, go through these videos with him to plant a bit more truth in him.  you'll know the right timing, but can also ask him to consider what's said here, around Easter and Christmas, cuz the world focus is on God/Jesus then. 

Because he had a wrong understanding about God, suffering, death and life as a young teen, those will be things that need to be addressed (biblically answered), so he can put that bitterness and resentment behind, cuz he had it all wrong. Helping him see this, among other things, will help you lovingly guide him into truth and towards God (in time), as can yalls Christian friend family. He might be open to these things a bit more of it comes from someone outside, like the godly husband friend. Share this with him so he can get a bit equipped to tag team with you to help guide him to truth and Christ. 

And heres helps for lovingly living godly before him, so hes drawn to Christ, and more receptive to the new you. 

All these things will also help you navigate life's when you encounter each others families, and other non believers you very. So its good to have a good understanding about. 

Also, if your church doesnt have a new believers discipleship course, these free resources will help you understand God and important Christian foundational truths, so you can get off to a good start walking in the Faith well, saving you some growing pains. 

○ Trust God. 

● He works all things out, and in His perfect timing. 

♡ Take everything a day at a time. 

Always remember you are not alone in this. Not only is God with you, in you, guiding you, leading you, giving you peace, and with you in your marriage, but you have the whole local church and believers everywhere united in one heart, and mind, in prayers and encouragement, desiring to minister to you and your husband too. 

Philippians 4:6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 

Stay close to God, be in the Word, live out your Faith, be active at church, and minister to your family. 

God be with you.