How to handle criticism from people outside the church, when engaged to be married so young?
Q: I am 19, engaged, known fiance 4 years now, met in a Christian church. Wanted to know advice on how to handle criticism from others outside the church, on being engaged and getting married so young?
A: Most younger men that age arent mature. Her parents (and maybe even church leaders if shes even sought marriage counseling/classes, and their counsel) have a right concern, if thryre believers, as they dont know if he really is a believer. Many false converts are even in the pews in Christian churches, and many there never get saved. Majority of young men in 17-23 range are not yet marriage material, abd they haven't built themselves up yet as strong men, financially stable, able to afford and provide a home [where wife is not anxious about being homeless with their 3 babies], having had a real world job and navigated the harsh hard realities of life, that would strain a marriage. Or leave him bitter and upset wishing he had freedom to date other women, and start pursuing that in adultery or in divorce, ruining her life.
They could pursue a long courtship or engagement and allow that to give time for him to work on himself in important areas (and noted here). And her godly parents, godly mature believers and leaders at the church to disciple the lad into the man he needs to be for those age years, so by 24 or 25 they can marry, and have a 90% success rate in that marriage, or let her depart if hes found not a good suitor by rebealing hes actually not saved, and or lacked maturity to lead the home well. Better to vet and depart than stay and be trapped in an increasingly negative marriage thats unequally yoked. A couple years can save a lifetime of regret for both of them, or avoid a divorce by age 24/25, leaving her as a single mom who is financially devastated and very stressed. Jumping into a marriage so soon is not very wise. For the .1% who check all the boxes as a suitor, sure such marriage might work. But the goal isnt to quickly marry anyone you profess love about and start pumping out babies. Still need to be wise (and heed godly wisdom of the church and her godly parents) on a case by case basis.
My response to her would be, outside the church you will recieve worldly criticism (on various topics), but it's not criticism if within the church, its godly caution. Pursue the above in sobermindedness, not decieved by western ideas of love, and if hes the one, you can respond to folk in this way:
Happily share how they met in church, & through discipleship and godly counsel on marriage, believe we have the right foundations, centered lives on Christ, were guided by God, recieved our parents & pastors blessing, and are preparing to begin this lifelong journey...then swing to the Gospel to reach that person for Christ.
A: Most younger men that age arent mature. Her parents (and maybe even church leaders if shes even sought marriage counseling/classes, and their counsel) have a right concern, if thryre believers, as they dont know if he really is a believer. Many false converts are even in the pews in Christian churches, and many there never get saved. Majority of young men in 17-23 range are not yet marriage material, abd they haven't built themselves up yet as strong men, financially stable, able to afford and provide a home [where wife is not anxious about being homeless with their 3 babies], having had a real world job and navigated the harsh hard realities of life, that would strain a marriage. Or leave him bitter and upset wishing he had freedom to date other women, and start pursuing that in adultery or in divorce, ruining her life.
They could pursue a long courtship or engagement and allow that to give time for him to work on himself in important areas (and noted here). And her godly parents, godly mature believers and leaders at the church to disciple the lad into the man he needs to be for those age years, so by 24 or 25 they can marry, and have a 90% success rate in that marriage, or let her depart if hes found not a good suitor by rebealing hes actually not saved, and or lacked maturity to lead the home well. Better to vet and depart than stay and be trapped in an increasingly negative marriage thats unequally yoked. A couple years can save a lifetime of regret for both of them, or avoid a divorce by age 24/25, leaving her as a single mom who is financially devastated and very stressed. Jumping into a marriage so soon is not very wise. For the .1% who check all the boxes as a suitor, sure such marriage might work. But the goal isnt to quickly marry anyone you profess love about and start pumping out babies. Still need to be wise (and heed godly wisdom of the church and her godly parents) on a case by case basis.
My response to her would be, outside the church you will recieve worldly criticism (on various topics), but it's not criticism if within the church, its godly caution. Pursue the above in sobermindedness, not decieved by western ideas of love, and if hes the one, you can respond to folk in this way:
Happily share how they met in church, & through discipleship and godly counsel on marriage, believe we have the right foundations, centered lives on Christ, were guided by God, recieved our parents & pastors blessing, and are preparing to begin this lifelong journey...then swing to the Gospel to reach that person for Christ.
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