19; marrying 26yo w 4yo child
Q: I’m getting married in November my fiance is 26 and I’m 19 in college. He’s a father to a 4 yr old. We had a little bit of pre marriage counseling from the pastor, but the church doesnt have classes. What are some advice you have for me? About anything.
A: To be honest, pls be cautious. It's odd a guy that old is looking at marrying a barely legal girl. And he's got a kid already? Take caution, he might just want a mom to his kid. That's a big responsibility to take on as a young person basically just out of high school. And then you'll have to manage that child when yall have your own baby. Instead of your first child being with of yours, you have another kid in the mix, adding difficulty. Esp during your kids infant stages for first year or two. It might be way too much to handle.
Take real care of the cautions and guidance given by your pastor, in seriousness and sobriety, thinking this through and in prayer. You haven't even had a few years alone to yourself after moving away from home. That may cause resentment later on for you, too.
Also was he s believer when he had the kid? Is he really pursuing holiness, if hes fornicating? If hes tried to have sex with you prior to marriage, even early on, that's a red flag. Did he have a kid out of wedlock? If he was married while saved, theres concern over adultery; making you an adulterer, per Scripture if he divorced for unbiblical reasons. These are serious matters to discuss and consider, as you dont want to have anything you do with that. What if he does it to you too... divorces and your stick with the kids he had with you, making you a struggling single mom who didn't even finish college.
With that in mind, these can help you.
Resources to go through to help you think through & prepare for marriage, if you proceed.
Marriage related, with resources. Go through them.
There's books in the above links too for engaged and married [and general believer ones too (for both of you)] that will be good to go through. They'll really bless.
If you can, see a biblical counselor together, as like a pre marriage counseling, and gleen from them what you can. You two can also agree to use them in future; if yall have marriage issues, conflicts, communication problems, navigating problems. With their guidance you can have a good marriage. Especially for younger folk, this would really be very helpful.
You can gleen discussion topics from the dating page to have now, so youre on the same page prior to marriage, and save some growth sins and problems. You can discuss any possible problems of his answers, in the above noted pre marriage counseling meetings too. Helping yall start with a good foundation.
Since he has a kid, you'll want to start implementing a biblical home life and routines to help the child get settled into new way of life. These parenting resources should be a really good help.
God bless
*Bookmark this page, maybe save it as shortcut to your phone homescreen, and in synced bookmarks, so you can access and go through this material now, in coming weeks, and years.
