Modesty guidance request
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We have both grown up in Christian families, however grew away from God and have only in the past year reconnected with Him. He has strong opinions about what I should wear to prevent other people to sin. For example, he is against me wearing shorts, skirts and dresses that aren’t knee length.
He has a stronger relationship with God than I do, and says he feels convicted when I wear things above my knee. I have always thought I was a modest girl, this is the first time I have been told I dress immodestly. I wear shorts and skirts out of comfort. I don’t like the way I look with jorts on as I feel like I look like too masculine. I am happy that he feels comfortable enough to express his concerns with me, and I know changing what I wear is technically a small action. I also understand that women are called to submit to their man.
But I want to ask if I should do what he says and stop wearing anything above the knee because he says it’s immodest? I don’t think I’ve received the holy spirit yet, yet he has. So maybe his convictions to what I wear are above what I believe. I still feel uncomfortable wearing short things (to my standard) and change out of them, but the issue is that we disagree with what we find immodest. He knows I don’t want to stop wearing my summer dresses, shorts or skirts. I feel upset sometimes when this topic arises, and there are more instances where he disagrees with things I do, the way I act, some aspirations I have etc. I want to understand him better, I want to change for him but I can’t if I don’t agree with his standards of immodest. (also yes I should change for God, not him, but the problem is I don’t feel convicted in what I wear). He really is a good man and has good intentions for us as a couple - we just aren’t always on the same page. If needed I can put examples of what he considers short and I don’t in comments if asked. Eager to hear some thoughts and wisdom, thank you 🙂
The picture attached is from a conversation regarding the issue for more context.
A: First of all theres some corrections needed, as there's false teaching out there. A bf or fiance is not your husband. You are only under the authority of a man in relationship if he is your husband. This guy is not your husband and it's wrong for him to act like you have to submit to him.
He's not your husband so... you don't submit to him. You must submit to God, and are under your parents & the church authority till married. Then it's God & Church, Husband.
In our increasingly pagan culture the "line" fie what has *seemed modest* has moved more and more since the 60s till now, and increasingly is far from modest. Not a surprise since the world and nation culture is more pagan. There are today however websites for modestwear which you can easily find now (1)
Whole we do have Christian liberty, it's not to be abused or misused flippantly as if our lives aren't showing Christlikeness in holy witness. People judge Christians, and Christians are to judge righteously and counsel and call other Christians into holy living.
If you are striving not to cause others to sin, which should be a believers mindset, and carefully about the Christian witness in the world, which you should, then you need to dress modestly. Anything revealing your chest, or thats short on top or bottom, tight, or revealing of curves, or chest or bum are out. Just above the knee is fine but knee length is best for skirt or dress since when you sit it moves about 2 inches above the knee. Shorts likewise should not draw attention, show cheeks when sitting or standing, and are best longer than shorter.
Anything that can give an inner shot of the bum when you stand up or the crotch when sitting or getting up to stand is a no. I wear biker shorts or thin shorts under dresses and skirts. I love skorts too if designed well.
Talk to your pastor & wife, the decins & their wives, and the more obviously mature in the faith women in church, whom you see also dressing modestly and get clarity advice and examples.
In some cases you could get help to alter shirts and skirt/dresses edges with some semi see through or lace like material that matches, looks pretty and maybe artsy too.
Above all we need to follow godly holy ways of living, and that includes being biblically minded not worldly, not making room for mixing truth with fleshly preferences. Ultimately when you do marry, you have to submit to your husband and this area is better dealt with now. Not submitting to God or a husband is rebellion. Of course if what the husband asks is not biblical or against righteousness and God, then we don't obey.
Hope that helps 😊✨️
As to the idea that you don't have the Holy Spirit... don't let anyone decieve you. If you are saved... you have the Holy Spirit in you. He comes when you are born again by God *at the moment* you get saved.
You can examine that more here under Baptism, and this will help on Correcting erroneous teachings on the Holy Spirit
In truth, if you obeyed the Gospel, God saved you, and you have the righteous nature and God in you to help you live holy.
God bless
Related
Footnote
(1) just make sure the clothes co you buy from is not run by a cult group. You don't want to support cultists businesses.
