Dating and sexual sin; repented but concerned not wracked with guilt over it
Q: So I rededicated my life to Christ almost a year ago. Will save the testimony for another time, but sexual sin was something I struggled with for a long time and I thought I had conquered it.
I've done everything right to the best of my knowledge to live holy. I've fasted, prayed, involved in bible study, church, etc. I see a change, but struggle as a new believer. I've also talked to God about wanting a husband and believed it will happen.
Now, I meet someone who seems great. He has a relationship with God but is a little more rougher around the edges than I am, but he seems a dream.
Well, we both let the sin of lust overtake us and I am in this place of knowing we shouldn't have fornicated. And feeling like I need to talk to him and explain that I want to wait, but the problem is 😬😕 I am not wrecked with conviction like I feel I should be?? It's really strange bc I thought I had cultivated a close relationship with God. So shouldn't this be more painful for me? Since it happened I have confessed and asked forgiveness to God, but not feeling heavy conviction is throwing me off about my closeness to God. I don't have anyone I feel comfortable discussing this with in a mentor type way. I'm just not sure where to go from here.
A: There may be a missing component to your faith that has to do with truly understanding sin in its horribleness, and that's connected to not truly understanding God's holiness. While I don't want to assume you were not born again by God and embraced a easy and false Gospel, God in Scripture calls us to examine ourselves to see if we actually are saved. If saved, then it's a growth issue. Today I was thinking about my past and salvation- and can genuinely put myself in your shoes here. Many times it's due to a lack of really understanding God, holiness and sin. And sometimes this takes a while for a believer to learn about this or truly grasp it [depending on what access if any you have to a church, to its teachings, whether sexual sin has been taught while you wrre there, and the greater topic on God and holiness, as well as if you really understood it].
Take this [situation] as a part of the growth and sanctification process. A chance to battle, kill and have victory over a sin, so it never can tempt you again. And put guard rails in place around you to protect yourself while dating [since we don't have a court culture like bible times] until you have truly killed that sin. This also will be a guide while married to avoid adultery. If you kill that sin here, it won't poop up there, and youll make wise choices to not put yourself in such situation. 😉😊
It's good you're thinking about this, being sensitive to it, and wanting to grow in holiness. The below can help on that. And in general shows you're likely saved, as those who aren't could care less about this issue.
As to him, is he really saved? Is he young; age or in the faith? Have these convos, real convos with him. Is he not growing in holiness? Does he have men mentoring him at church in the mens group? Are they close friends snd in his life outside the church? Dies he have accountability partners among them? And men he can and does confide in for counsel and holy livung guidance? Is he active at church, and reads the Bible daily? Can he share his salvation testimony with you, (and can you further probe him to ask how his life has changed since then, and in the recent year?) Is he struggling with sexual sin, self control...and needing to grow in the Fruit if the Spirit? Discuss these things with him. Help him to create a game plan for his righteousness living; his sanctification walk. Think these through for yourself too and discuss. This way you both can focus on holy living.
Heres resources that can help you both. Def do go thru the sexual sins section well so you both can have a God minded view and go forward in holiness.
Also make a policy together to never be alone together, and never go to each other's home/residence, not even at his buddies place. This will help you both not fall prey to sexual sin, and so he diesnt prey on you in vulnerableness. Theres books & resources in this material to truly help him on self control and purity as well. But other links have good books for each of you to study as believers and men/women too. If your both dating like courting with marriage as an end result and purpose, I suggest reviewing material here for dating and marrieds stuff to equip you and get you having deep real convos about life in Christ. I truly wish this stuff was avail when I was dating, but hope it truly helps you walk the path of blessing. Ask if hes even marriage minded and of the mindset to be dating towards marriage. You need to know this isn't just a way for a false professer to have access to you for sexual exploitation, and heps you confirm hes truly selling to live holy, and follow God's plan and design for two people to united in holy matrimony for a lifetime together as team Christ.
In the end, if hes not the one, then move on and you'll know when the right one comes along.
Resources:
Voddie series: Love & Marriage is important for you and slso him to understand. It has dating components.
Resources for the married, and for her & him, to help you grow in faith
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And this is a resource for growing believers. It has many great sections including books.
Good Video playlists on:
It takes time to grow, but actively study and learn day by day so you can understand and mature well in the faith.
God bless! ✝️✨️
