Clarity on roles in marriage
Q: Today in church we are talking about the roles in a marriage and I open my Bible to 1 Peter 3:7 then I read the rest of 1 Peter 3 for context and I just can’t get over 1 Peter 3:6 “For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.” I was raised by a single mother who has always taught me independence and that men and women should be equal. Even though her and I don’t share the same beliefs in religion, that mentally has always stuck with me. It’s hard for me to want to “Obey or Submit” to my boyfriend/future husband because our relationship isn’t built on him being “dominant” over me. My problem is that it’s very important to me to have biblical relationships but with modern days values built into me, it’s hard and I was wondering what yall do to make those feelings go away or if I’m misinterpreting the scripture.
A: First, we don't submit to a bf, ever....
He's not your husband. You submit to your father, your husband (and to church leadership in a certian context).
Submission to husband... you do it in love. The saved/godly husband loves Christ and will properly love you. He will be like Christ to you. A sacrificing servant, who provides for you, and willing to lay down his life for you if necessary. Jesus doesn’t dominate us, beat us in submission,etc— we come into agreement with Him and he leads us, pursues us, encourages us, uplifts us, walks with us. Communes with us; close relationship with communication & guidance, and He blesses & does what's best for us.
And you are to love your husband. While there is (Gen 3:16) a natural butting of heads between a unsaved husband and unsaved wife, or unequally yoked, as they're totally in the sin nature... with believers its not to be that way, (but to a degree it could be for the wife, thus you kill that rebellion in you through sanctification and maturity).
There's far too much baloney feminist ideas & rhetoric today, that Christian women need to not listen to, to untangle from,... and instead understand & live out the Biblical view. Its not hard to do if Christ has saved you, as you have a new nature. Yet there's still a lot of confusion on this topic today even in many churches that don't have a premarriage counseling or new marrieds class, or a mens/woman's class to teach on these topics, if not from the pulpit. It's good your study was looking at that, so you can ask more questions and get clarity (which helps other females in the class too).
The below link will further explain, but it's not about dominating & putting you under his thumb, with no freedom. It's about God creating man first, to be leader, and then the wife to be alongside as helpmeet. We are equal as image bearers, but have diff roles assigned by gender. Men lead, women follow. It doesnt mean you do whatever he says, if it's sin (noted in 3:6b), you dont do it, and thus dont fear your husband because God is greater than he. You do what God has said in righteousness, because its right, and if your husband is saved [he better be] he will follow God & self correct if he was wrong. Now on all other matters in the marriage, you can and should both discuss things, esp big ones, but he has final say, and that's his responsibility before God for the fall out if its the wrong choice. He leads and you follow.
In the roles, the wife raises up the household, she makes the house a home, and has more time to rear the kids. The husband provides for the family and ensures we are living for Christ and setting the standard for what that looks like in your home. However example from Bible times till industial revolution (after the wars) shows that both participated at home raising the kids, leading them in biblical truth, doing things together, & working together in the family business. Nowadays society split husbands from the home and a big mess came from it... including from "unsaved men in the world" and in weak or "unbiblical churches" (led by not qualified preachers) started teaching as if men don't manage the kids, help at home, and allow them to be domineering, heavy handed, mistreat, dictators whose dinner is to be on table at 6pm in the 50s; (those past times were b4 internet and good Christian books on the topics, & more better educated pastors). And turned a blind eye to, didn't church discipline men who abused their wiggles it treated them wrongly. Thus the church failed to keep its members walking holy. Its a fallen world, so false views can work it's way into the church and world, but godly educated men who are good pastors will rightly teach & correct on these topics. And they do so today.
*Educated in the sense of historical, cultural, and language of Bible times (for proper meanings), including God's design for and of marriage. Having a firm deeper grasp on what Scripture really says.
Note also, far too many pastors were simple minded in the past, & didn't understand Scripture, on top of that many were put in that career by rich folk in certian denominations [sponsored by them] (when they had no business being there at all), or were in quasi Christian religions, or cults, in a nation whose foundations and society were based on Christianity. There's many ways false unsaved preachers got into pulpits and started spewing satanic, fallen focused ways, that harmed indiv people and marriages. Which includes men in power and men who had wives, being told they can mistreat them and as if they're to live as slaves to him. Nothing can be further from the truth. Satan always twists Scripture. Ending up where men use religion to control wives, women are abused and mistreated and used. Not so in biblical Christianity; those with the Fruit of the Spirit naturally live in righteousness and the outcome is loving and properly treating his wife. And having a clear understanding of this [all those other ones ruled by darkness and the one by Light]... will help you grasp and understand many things in the spiritual realm when discerning Light from Darkness, false religion from true Christianity.
This can help with many of the women topics and give deeper understanding and insight, and are good studies to do.
God bless
