Believers and Divorce; Are remarried believers hellbound?
Q: So is everyone that is remarried (unless the other spouse cheated) are bound for hell with no way to recover?
A: The Bible does not teach this. Our sins are forgiven when we obey the Gospel of Jesus and are instantly converted by God into a new creation.
Only the unsaved are hellbound.
Verses related to topic:
Matthew 19:6
"So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."
Malachi 2:16 "The man who hates and divorces his wife, says the Lord, the God of Israel, does violence to the one he should protect," says the Lord Almighty. "So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth."
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:27-28
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Hebrews 13:4
"A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife." 1 Corinthians 7:10-11
“He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.” Mark 10:11
“And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”
Mark 10:12
Do you understand how the Old Testament law of divorce is consistent with both Jesus’s and Paul’s teaching on the subject? Do you understand what Jesus means when he talks about hardness of heart? And do you understand why allowing divorce under the right circumstances show us the righteous love and judgement of God?
According to The Bible, we can see that
The LORD hates divorce (Malachi 2:16),
but He also put away backsliding Israel,
and gave her a certificate of divorce because of her adultery (Jeremiah 3:8), and is also getting re-married to a new bride/wife (Revelation 19:7-9, 21:9, 22:17), which confirms the Biblical fact that divorce and/or re-marriage is not necessarily a sin (read: Matthew 5:32, 19:9, Romans 7:2-3, 1 Corinthians 7:15, 7:39), nor is it the un-pardonable sin (Mark 3:28-29).
Also, in The Bible, and in addition to The LORD's divorce in Jeremiah 3:8, and also in addition to the abandonment and re-marriage clauses in Romans 7:2-3 and 1 Corinthians 7:15, 7:39, The LORD Himself also allowed for a Biblical divorce, in both Matthew 5:32, and 19:9 for the reason of fornication (committed prior to marriage), which is not the same as married adultery, and in addition to adultery, fornication also includes all sexual activity outside of marriage, even pornography, and lustful thoughts is the same as adultery.
So, note the Biblical context includes abandonment and abuse, along with adultery. If one studies it it includes that, but it is not a "he cheated on me so I'm divorcing!" attitude. No, it's a very very last resort option for only after doing all you can do, as long as possible, to prevent divorce, or if the unsaved or false convert spouse abandons/divorces you regardless of any reason.
So, don't let anyone scare or decieve you. Theres false teachings out there, even from weak or false pastors on this topic. Many are very uneducated. Saying you can't remarry for any reason. It's not true.
There's only one unforgivable sin and a believer can't commit it. Also, on the cross Jesus paid for all our sins. We werent even born yet. Our past present and future sins are already dealt with. Praise God.
Of course it doesn't mean we flippantly sin. We strive to live in righteousness, but all grow from baby to maturity at different times, just as we got saved at diff ages etc. But we are to actively, purposely, purposely, and perseveringly mature in the Faith.
If you asked the question as one who is saved who err'd without realizing and had remarried unaware, just repent and live in Grace.
King David married Bathsheba, even after he had her husband killed, he had to take care if her, though they suffered (reap what you sow) due to sun, but were forgiven & ultimately were blessed. So you may have consequences, but God can still bless your marriage. You are already married, we aren't to divorce to clean the slate.
If You divorced him for unbiblical reasons, and know it now, just live single forever "for the Lord", and don't even date. Cuz you can never remarry. “Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.” James 4:17
If he divorced you, the Law would see him as haven been given the death sentence, thus your free from the covenant. Go live in peace, and do not marry again unless the person is a godly mature born again believer living holy.
Similarly (see above) if he abandoned you and refuses to repent and return. He's likely living in sexual sin already tbh, so its both situations.
If he is abusing you physically and refusing/ counseling with biblical counselor is not getting anywhere (long term), and you've done all you can, he may abandon to divorce you, or you could divorce out of him not living out his responsibilities as a husband; loving you as Christ loves the Church. And you'll have to ask the counselor if this releases you like laws that sever the Covenant that would (by the Law) lead to his death sentence, or if you have to live single until he dies irl. Then you can remarry.
On the matter of abuse, women worry they only have the option for separation or remaining married and in an abusers home. But you have the option of divorce it just has consequences. And note separation isn't supposed to be permanent. It's supposed to be a tool keep her out of harms way temporarily as the issue is being resolved.
On the topic the below on abuse would be good to examine, to understand. And yes it doesn't mean the abuser won't commit addl sins of unrepentant adultery once separated, or wont "want out" to divorce her, which would free her to go live in peace. He might keep going back and forth and not stop abusing her; with gaslighting, manipulating and power trips in addition. So yeah, police need to be involved. Maybe jail time if he's not showing contrition, isnt genuinely repentant and doesnt genuinely get saved, [and fruit proof shows radical change]. So I don't mean the fakery kind that con men and jail people are good at pretending and duping people to think they got right with God.
*It's for her safety they are seperated, and if unrepentant now...he can get further counseled while in jail. Hopefully and preferably have your pastor visit him & steer him towards Biblical Counseling thru his lawyer and not the worldly useless therapy the world and state or city might offer him.
Until someone is actually saved, they won't have a heart of love through the righteous spirit. Those who do evil are of the sinful spiritual nature. The goal would be to see him saved. But if it doesnt hapoen, he divorces, and you are free. And if he is in jail, you can get a lawyer to work with his lawyer to help you sell the house, deal with property with signing away his parental rights to the children and gain sole custody. Or child support and only supervised visits, but without you involved in any way. However if you move states while he's in jail, he by courts may still have the option to see the kids, but likely won't cuz they're too far away. If you plan to move after you get the legal rights to sell the home, car, etc... you might be wise to do alk that before discussing the children. As the judge may still allow him visitation rights. So pray about it, seek your pastors advice, and your lawyers. Do everything thru the lawyer and by wise planning.
If hes unrepentant, isn't turning his life over sincerest, genuinely while in jail, you can thru the lawyers see if he wants to divorce you to go his own way. This way it isn't you asking for a divorce, but he may think he is better off not being married to you anymore, and to go live his life. So he may just request divorce through the lawyers. If he's very evil he will refuse and try to make your life Hell. Pray the latter never happens.
But if there's no choice; he won't get right with God, and won't divorce... your biblical counselor may say your at the point you can divorce but have to live single [no dating even] until he dies. It's better to live in peace that way vs end up dead cuz of his abuse.
I will caution though that you would be wise to seek him to get counseling and saved, while seperated first, without involving police, as if he goes to jail and gets genuinely saved, many churches won't ever let him near women and children, he can't serve in the church in varied capacities or with you if he has abuse on record. I don't mean to hide his abuse, I mean think of his ability to serve God will be very limited if he's accused in assault reports or goes to jail, but later during the work "to counsel and convert him" leads him to get genuinely saved. Churches and ministries run background checks on everyone in church to ensure they can serve or not, or if they can't have that person even at the church. Sometimes they dont allow them in as a way to protect the whole congregation. So if he is after some time, even reluctantly, even if you seperate while he refuses, ends up moving towards going to marriage and abuse counseling with a biblical counselor, and then becomes open to hearing and understanding the Gospel or examining himself to see if he's a false convert who needs to be genuinely saved, then consider to don't proceed to report or divorce. We don't want to try to hinder God's transformative work in him, nor hinder his ability to serve God with his whole heart after saved, conquering the sins of anger, pride and abuse.
Before jumping to snap decisions, use self control over your emotions, and talk it over with your counselor, and take the course path they guide you onto. Then trust it is God leading you (all) for whatever the outcome will be. And go that way and onwards when that outcome arrives.
I'm not saying don't report abuse, I'm saying as a believer, be wise, and get wise counsel from those who are familiar with these issues, to see things from a biblical worldview and so neither of you cut your foot off, in regards to serving God and living for Him [in regrets later].
Sometimes the sinner needs a huge wakeup call. And if an initial intervention visit from the Pastor & decons at home doesn't lead him to godly contrition, repentance and faith, then you'll need to take the appropriate steps with professional counselor guidance from there.
Hope that makes sense and hope this is a help to you. ✨️
Here are some more helpful resources on this topic. In case you are in this situation, want to avoid it yourself, or just want to know to help in counseling others in such situations.
This Truth about Divorce info will help you grasp the above and the info on the Israeli culture around the biblical Law, and its death and freedom on those issues.
This has a link on how abuse is dealt with by a believer in biblical counseling to seek to preserve the marriage. Likewise adultery would be dealt with similarly. Adulterous situations should be seriously sought for repentance, forgiveness, reconcilliation and restoration. This has resources for infidelity matters, and hope & healing.
The believer is to handle things in a Christlike manner, and with real intent to strive to, at all costs, not damage the Gospel witness; which the marriage shadow shines out to the world.
God doesnt throw us (redeemed) away or divorce us when we sin and are unfaithful to Him. And as Jesus Bride, [having the Holy Spirit as our unbreakable guarantee] we too are to be-like God. Living in righteousness, and like Christ take whatever comes our way, turning the other cheek, patiently and with self control loving even our enemies and when we are sinned against, even greatly sinned against. In hope that it can be a testimony of praise, and that it glorifies God, as we as faithful servants are poured out for God and are a living sacrifice.
As sinners living wickedly we also were once blind men living in darkness, and had no idea what we were doing before coming to Christ, likewise we need to try to help others who are trapped in sin, see and possess the Light of Christ's righteousness.
Think about it (and whatever) as you live your life, that it is all about you living rightly before God, and not pushing for your own way, dealing out retribution nor acting out as victim. Ultimately and firstly others sinning are against God and not you. But even so, allow God to use the suffering and problems we encounter in this life to grow us in our sanctification walk so you can become more matured in the Faith. Then when you enter eternity you will hear Jesus welcome you in asked calling you a good and faithful servant.
Live for Christ, store up treasure in Heaven, and focus on the eternal things. 😊✨️✝️
God bless
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Footnotes:
Book: God, Marriage, and Family by Andreas J. Kostenberger
Chapter 11 moves into the arena of divorce. There is a lengthy discussion on what the Old Testament says as well as what Jesus and Paul said about divorce in the New Testament. Even Rabbinical positions are included. Kostenberger states that the “exception clause” includes divorce and remarriage for sexual sins, with the caveat that some believe that physical abuse is also cause for divorce and abandonment may be another cause for a biblical divorce.
God, Marriage & Family article.
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