Bad churches, bad church behavior experiences, needing community, guidance?
Q: I'm struggling with my faith and beliefs, and generally with Christianity - because I've had some terrible experiences with those who claim to be believers.
The first church I ever joined was a family church and it ended up being more cult like than anything. Our sister church was 100% found to be a cult and the Pastor is in now trouble. I won't go into detail. I was there for around 7-8 years.
It took me years to heal and find somewhere I liked, but when I did, I didn't really feel like I was part of it. It felt like I was that person that was not invited, but just 'allowed' to be there 😅
I've been in a few Bible groups and seeing all the arguing, and "I know more than you", "that is your conviction" "my Bible doesn't tell me that" is so exhausting that I've left the majority.
Places I've looked for community, I've found rejection and I don't understand how when we are supposed to be members of one body, there's so much division and so much disdain for others.
I've been in this thing for almost 11 years.
And the warfare😭😭😭, it's stressing me out. I just don't know anymore. 😔
A: It looks like you found yourself in false churches and among false converts. To know what a true church is today you have to know the basics of Christianity, or be guided to a church by someone who does.
There will even in true churches be people who are false converts. In NT times it was that way too, but its way worse today. Jesus already said he will sort out the weeds from the wheat at the end, but we also know some will expose themselves by bad fruit or by leaving us.
Our faith is not in fallen people, but in Christ who saved us. Our faith in God is not something to be shaken due to the sinful behaviors of humans.
This can be a help to you on church matters to be aware of (scroll to topics).
These 4 videos will help solidify your faith.
Also, it's important to be in a denomination that you agree with its faith statement, (which reflects secondary beliefs), and so the shepherd leaders of the church who are leading studies, explain what Scripture says, so we can have a firm grasp. There should be no one there claiming they hold a diff view, as you indicated. No true believer will have the attitudes you shared above. They'd be humble and loving and encouraging. If they are, address it through (the pastor or church leader) who leads the class, and distance yourself from anyone there who doesnt submit to their teaching, responses, correction or admonition. They're not folk open to obeying God, for they dismiss or disregard the leaders, and are prideful.
As far as finding community, seek out and probe to find the mature godly believing women at the church. Ask the Pastor, his wife, the decons, and any respected leader there. They can introduce you to those ones, so you can begin forming lasting friendships. If some turn out to not be, then get closer to the other ones, and befriend new members (so you can vet their salvation & maturity) and possibly gain more. Its ok to have only 2 or 3 close friends from church. Most of us have lives and can't juggle 10 friends anyway. Find a core few. We'll have eternity 😊 to get closer to all the other brethren, and we'll all be perfect and righteous there so- everyone there will be 100% problem free.
God bless
