Second date and advice
Q: I grew up christian, but when I turned 18 and entered adulthood I fell from my faith. I bounced around from relationship to relationship, and now sex doesn't have any value anymore for me.
I know I can't change my past or the mistakes I've made, but how can I make sure I'm fighting temptation and abstaining? I want to do good by God but I'm struggling.
I went out with this very sweet man earlier this last week, and we have a second date planned for tomorrow. He's a professing Christian but we haven't had a solid conversation on faith, so I'm not exactly sure where he is in his walk with God. How can I best start a relationship without sex? I'm not really sure what I have to offer him, but he's been adamant that he just wants to spend time with me. I'm worried he'll lose interest.
I'm just very confused.
A: The good news is, If he loses interest he isnt for you. Dont fear over that, it's simply a way to eliminate bad suitors 🙂✨️
Sex is a gift God gave mankind to be enjoyed in marriage. Keep that in your mind and wait until then. It will be renewed for you by then. And you'll have and live in the right perspective, and treasures that intimacy.
To fight temptations we need to focus on God's Word, grow more holy wearing the armor of God, and grow in the Fruit of the Spirit; one area would be self control.
On the start of the second date:
Tell him right after greetings and chit chat, as if "we can discuss our faith tonight and what we are looking for in a relationship". Its good to have topics so I dont see why you can't do that. Its also good to not waste time and move on if not compatible.
Ask how he views dating. Is it to have fun or does he date with a purpose to find compatability with and date to marry.
Ask him to share his salvation testimony. A 3 minute version. See if he saw that he was a wretched sinner in God's eyes and needed Jesus to save, cleanse and transform him into a man of inner righteousness. As that will naturally pour out of someone with spiritual life. Then ask how he would share the Gospel with someone. See if he spoke also to God's holiness, man's sin, righteousness, judgment and new life with new desires. If he creates a prosperity gospel he's holding to a false faith, so share your Testimony with the Gospel and ask if he sees the difference. Our life here is not about us, but emptying ourselves so we become more like Christ. Our best life is in eternity. This life has sufferings and trials due to the Fall but God uses it all for a believers growth good. But because God is with us, we can go through every trial, storm and persecution. As our joy, hope and peace comes through our faith in Jesus.
Ask how his life has grown in holiness since he got saved, and how has it grown in the last 6 months.
Ask how he's doing in the area of self control. Such as anger, lust, temptations etc. Then ask if he is of the mind there's no sex before marriage in his relationships, and that his policy is to never be alone in private with a gf, and never goes in bf/gf residences to help ensure temptations don't lead to sexual sin.
Ask if he is a active member at his local church. And if he is actively involved in the mens group. See if he regularly gets counsel there, has accountability pals there and if he has brethren friends from church who are active friends in his everyday life outside of church.
Ask him if he has in the recent past or is currently contemplating leaving the church to another religious group [like Catholicism or Orthodox] in search of tradition [over Scriptural truths in Christianity]. Like is his church about entertainment and not substance? If yes it's a red flag, but you can ask if he is open to looking at other Christian churches and denominations [like reformed baptist] instead of walking away from true Christianity and into apostacy.
If he doesn't grasp that protestantism is true Christianity and those other groups are apostate, he's not following Scrioture but his idolatry of making up what he prefers, above and in place of biblical truths. So unless you can talk him around to the above, you should end the relationship. It's a big problem with MZ Gen right now, and is weeding out the false converts from the Church. Dont get unequally yoked to such a person going on the path of destruction.
Feel free to ask him what good Christian book he has read in the last couple months. And what topical genre. Is it discipleship, theology, leadership, or some wacky off the shelf mass produced "Christian" book. Or any book at all. If he has no emphasis on growing by godly mentors in areas to improve himself and help him become a godly husband and leader of the home, he might have some spots that need addressing at some point.
You could ask what sermon he heard recently that hit or educated him in a blessed way. And ask a few if his favorite preachers are besides his Pastor.
And can even ask where is he currently reading in his daily personal time in the Word with the Lord? And ask what has he found interesting in the book he is in so far, maybe something new he didn't notice till now.
Ask if he has read through the Bible cover to cover yet, and if so see how many times already some may have read it 3 or 4x by now.
You can also ask if he has found a life verse yet, and if so ask him to share it (and explain it). It makes a good discussion.
Share your answers to these things in whatever he ask, and go on to other general topics like cuisine genres he likes, any foods he's allergic to. And varied other chatting.
Be bold about asking faith questions, and if he hits these with solid answers, he will respect you, be glad to have met you and will pursue you if he is a godly man. He will think about you in the next few days. If hes not cuz hes weak in the faith, you can discuss it to encourage each other. But if hes not actually in the Faith, it will show as he bubbles thru the questions or he will ghost/run after the date, or his predatory self will be revealed in short time & you can exit.
If it seems he is a qualified suitor, and you start thinking it is working out after a couple dates, move on to more topics such as some of these, these and ask about alcohol and drugs, (you dont want to date someone with those problems). Keep this and this in mind too, as you date. Dating should always have a godly purpose and end goal. Unlike the pagan world that dates for sex and self gratification, we believers date to marry and glorify God.
Hope that helps
Helps related to temptations, lusts etc can be found here. It has good resources.
God bless
Ps if for some reason the guy doesn't work out, dont be upset. Just remember God has a good one for you if you wait in His timing.
Believers Resources
And to help you grow in your faith well so you start off on the right foot coming back to the faith, this site will bless you. ⭐️
