What is gym modest clothing and do men need to dress modest too
Q: Question about being modest! My husband says that I shouldn’t wear tight work out pants to the gym. He says it’s not modest. I can’t wear baggy pants to the gym because it’s uncomfortable to work out in. I wear regular work out pants that are form fitting and a regular shirt that’s loose. He thinks it’s going against what the Bible says. He also wears the tightest pants to the gym as well. I asked why he feels it’s ok for him to do it but it’s wrong for me? He says "the Bible doesn’t instruct men to dress modest". If I’m wrong please tell me. He made a whole big deal about it. How can I resolve this dispute?
A: Was that a teaching from the pulpit or in a married couples Bible class at church, or his opinion based on a loose Bible verse, that is open for interpretation and abuse? He needs spiritual growth. You both need to check this discussion with your church, even with the leadership, pastors wife and Pastor in a meeting. Theres no way they would say men can go shirtless or wear tight bottoms and not be hypocritical. He entirely missed the point of modesty and it's avoidance of causing others to sin in thoughts or actions. Women lust after men too. Not just men towards women. Your husband needs to get godly counsel and not assume generically surface level words in Scripture but to know the overall godly principles reasonings behind it.
In Bible times they all wore a one piece robe like dress! So will he wear a robe dress?? No. Our culture is different. Victorian times women and ankles caused men to sin. In our culture it's exposing stomach, over exercising the the bum, short shorts or skirts, and breast skin revealing clothing. As long as it's not revealing and "not body forming" without a long shirt, or skirt skort like covering, or non body forming pants or sweats, it's fine. We also have unisex clothes in the West. Men need to wear shirts and not wear tight clothing or shorts that are short or hug the bum or chest or crotch too.
Not wanting your body on display is not wrong but double standards are not biblical. Modesty is for all, and the degree is a personal conviction. Not wearing a exposed bra like shirt, and wearing leggings and a T-shirt long enough to cover her is fine.
Men and women should be dressing modest. Either gender needs to help others get closer to God, not help others stumble into sin by being distracting in how they both dress. Sounds like he needs to come up with a proper modest policy for himself too, and that includes no speedos, a shirt at the beach and in the water too!
Here is a godly Christian counsel on modesty from a bible focused ministry to further understand & consider.
You should submit to him once this has been settled by the church leaders counsel, it will help him seek godly counsel in the future, be loving rightly towards you, & make him secure and comfortable as the spiritual leader. He should always listen to your counsel & rightly consider the matter before deciding, this includes seek leadership counsel as well. This is a topic that needs your church leadership input, so he can be corrected. Feel free to share this page link with the church so they can rightly look at the matter well before giving counsel (and not misuse Scripture too).
As noted elsewhere on this site, there's nothing wrong with lovingly obeying your husband in most matters that doesn't cause you to compromise your faith, since there's no harm in just doing them. But here he's being hypocritical and needs further guidance for his own growth and understanding of Scripture.
Also, he has to be realistic about what’s available and practical for working out… if he’s willing to help you find something, maybe go together and try things on at the store for him, that’d be great. However, you may have a better chance finding something more specific online. I have seen some women who wear something that looks like leggings with like a skirt of the same material over top, it’s meant to be modest gym wear. There are definitely Christian clothing brands that cater to this need, [Avoid the ones run by cults tho, you dont want to fund them].
Clothing options: Wearing a long top or big T-shirt over your stretch pants; I am sure any bible church leadership will agree that is acceptable as modest. Here are some ideas for gym modesty (beyond non body conforming bottoms with a long shirt covering it). There are special leggings that are called skirted leggings; leggings with a skirt attached. You can get them online. Some are expensive (in $80 range). Cheaper ones may look like this but as long as they cover the bum it should be fine. They're not as heavy and sweaty as typical sweat pants, have moisture wick material and are fine to wear. Work out clothes shouldn't be heavy (and burden you causing you to pass out).
The reason we should not wear revealing or tight clothes is because 1. It show believers are different from pagans [unsaved people], 2. to try to prevent causing others to sin by looking at us with lust.
Matthew 5:27-28 says You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in their heart.
Matthew 18:6-9 says If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
Romans 14:13-23 says "Therefore let us stop judging one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister." *He also puts an obstacle in your way for working out, by forcing you to wear uncomfortable and extreme hot & heavy clothing burdens, and wrongly judges you and takes the verse out if context to not only twist it but put a burden on you that he isn't equally putting on himself.
1Corinthians 8:9-13 says Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak. [If he's weak or not, a stumbling block harms believers freedom. And we arent muslims or legalists; we dont need unnecessary burdens placed on women.
Scripture does encourage us to avoid causing others to stumble or sin, and we can find an acceptable solilution, but sinners will sin and in their minds just seeing a female is enough. A woman trying her best with what's available is making the godly inward attempt to rightly conform to Scripture. No other burden needs to be added to her. Her conscience is clear.
She has prayed, searched Scripture, asked the Lord and godly women to show her what God would approve of when it comes to modesty. She considered how she can honor God in her dressing, and that will in turn honor her church, and husband; as does getting further counsel from the church so God and can help him be a good leader who thinks biblically accurately. *If he's a believer and he wants to live godly he will be happy to get further counsel from church otherwise he's abusively being controlling and that's a sin issue that leads to Matt 18 church discipline (on him).
He is to love you as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25), not be manipulative, controlling and misusing Scripture, nor being a hypocrite. You're not wearing prostitute clothing or a upper garment cloak of a man. You are trying to do well with what has been available to you. Likewise women with very large chests have limited clothing options and men still lust after them (those women can do nothing about their body shape and size), and women with flat bum can wear high heels or heeled shoes but women with a bum shouldn't wear them as it draws attention to their bum. We need to not be vain and focused on height or looks, but focused on our identity in Christ and looking as we were made to. But what about the bias research that taller women are offered more money, would wearing them to a job interview be to ensure there's no pay discrimination if you are short? We have to look at these things reasonably but rightly.
In a kind, requesting way, ask your husband to have you both meet with the church leadership (and possibly the pastors wife) to discuss this in a brief counselling session this week. It will resolve the matter and help him grow spiritually... and see that it's important to regularly seek the counsel of those shepherding over you in the church on varied matters before making a decision/policy that affects someone ither than him; your family. It can help guide him which way to go and show that he also needs to honor and obey the ones in spiritual leadership over him. He cannot go rogue and make up legalistic rules in the home. Doing so violates biblical teaching.
Getting counsel from the church on some matters helps you keep your conscience clear, avoid bitterness and division, and allows you to obey your husband - with a biblical peace of mind. And causes your husband to seek godly counsel not his own thoughts, as in a bubble. This issue on modesty is one worth exploring with the church leadership for right varied reasons.
Likewise, you might say there needs to be a family gym policy: it's not proper for your husband to go to the gym alone since he might sin - by thinking of other women there, or form inappropriate relationship with or commit sexual sin with a woman at the gym, if you aren't there. Decide what the gym policy is if one spouse isnt there, (for any reason incl. can't go or dont want to that day, are injured, or are pregnant or nursing little ones?). My opinion is if both aren't there, neither of you go. It can be a day or season in life where he instead does home workouts with minimal equipment such as hand weights and ribbon rubber bands and his own body weight. The garage is a fine place and a inside home room doesn't need to be dedicated to it.
My sister's life was destroyed [a living nightmare] by her husband going to the gym without her. It destroyed her marriage and life, and greatly damaged their 11 year old son (who has never recovered from it and has negative feelings for his dad). Her husband was so extreme in all the evil he did to her after his affair, abandonment, reappearing to do destructive manipulative things for years to her and his son. He even had her car repoed illegally, so she had no way to work (in the boonies), he had the house given back to the bank (without her knowledge) she found out when cops came to remove her, so she had nowhere to live nor her son, she even lost her job cuz he spread vile false rumors; and she lived a nightmare there till yrs later when many transfered out. She still works there but in a diff area, but it followed her and harmed her promotions. He lied to their son from day one of her finding out of the affair, claiming she had the affair, and (he did so for several years) which brought loads of problems between the son and mom. When this all went down, she had just found out why she was ill for 3 yrs (had 2 dead calcified babies in her; varied drs till then were clueless), [then] went thru a dnc surgery...and had to go through another nightmare [getting cancer from the surgery]. And he called her a liar about it all. She had such a horrible life those years. He was a horrid man and it took 13 years before his "real self" showed up in that marriage. During the marriage, she worked, did everything at home, and all the shopping and errands, he didnt lift a finger. She was exhausted from all that and his kids sports stuff (he as the father dragged them into), was even on baseball staff as was he, she was exhausted all the time, and he constantly overly demanded sex on top of it all. Shes not wonderwoman. He wasnt loving her as Christ loved the church. All this came out to our family after the divorce. Plus the fact that he gave her a sliver of money for bills and used all her salary for the bills. She got $5 a month for her nails, and he kept 90% of his salary which he kept in his own bank account, out of her reach, and he blew on fun for himself w his friends on weekends, which he dragged her and their son to a lot [and with atv camping]. She had no time for herself. Just lived as a 247 machine for him. She made $1500/mo and he made $6k!
On top of all her problems with him once he "left" her, the corrupt judge she ended up with dragged everything on... and wouldn't let her divorce him *for 8 yrs* [and the extreme insanity she had to endure would've caused average women to commit suicide]. She had to play all his games before the judge and endured more than any eoman should.
Before getting a lawyer and getting into the court system, he played games with child support; rarely gave her money for years. She would even resort to begging every month [multiple times], (cuz the boy needed food, cloths, school stuff, and rent paid, etc) he didnt care. He even had the son bring any mew clothes she got him for school, over to his house on overnight stays and they never came home. He refused to buy him clothes, and this was something he used in court, that she's not clothing him. Utter lies. She lived on one meal a day. He played evil games. He left his job, she got none of his retirement money [he scammed her], [her first lawyer scammed her out of my parents $4k a divorce help; ran with the money]. After her husband left that job, he took under the table jobs with his father so she never got anything for many years, and with no garnishing available, she got nothing from the courts or him after yr 2 [when she finally began court proceedings to get family court help as she pursued divorce]. She gave up pursuing that back pay for child support after her son turned 18.
After losing the home, she lost her apartments while son lived with her, nothing was affordable, the state she worked for cut pay 20% during that time and she ended up living in a trailer in her parents back yard. She still lives there. She was horribly broken and scarred, and still has trauma from it 15 yrs later. Her son has scars, trauma, anger, varied issues (and has gone "into the world"). All that from a man having an affair with a woman at a gym.
Things are not to be hid behind closed doors at home, but brought to the church for help and counsel. The church is there also to help wives, guide the married, and ensure abuse isn't happening.
These modesty & sin issues things go both ways, and there is a need for *home* policy, integrity and accountability, among the married. He isnt God, hes under God, under church leadership, and is to be a loving husband - that love meaning has varied and many meanings far beind the surface. It is alsp about humility and sacrificial service too. Love & his role as Leader has 0 to do with any form of dictatorship control & abuse.
If he won't take this modesty isdue to the church leadership, you bring it to leadership to schedule a counselling session and have those folk come to your home. He is not above the church and needs to be doing all things in proper order, not living in a power trip. It's right to seek church counsel and if he won't, he's abusing his position and intervention is needed.
Proverbs 27:6: "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; a lover's kisses are deceitful."
1 Thessalonians 5:14: "Encourage those who are timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone."
Proverbs 12:1 “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.
Titus 1:9: You must hold firmly to the faithful word as taught, & encourage others with sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.
2 Timothy 3:16-17: "All Scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."
Hebrews 10:24: "Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, ... encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching."
Hebrews 3:13: "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is still called 'Today,' so that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin."
Galatians 6:1: "Brothers, if anyone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourselves so that you also don't fall into temptation."
James 5:16: "Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful when it is offered."
Ephesians 4:15: "Speaking the truth in love, we will grow in every way, as a healthy body grows stronger when every part does its work."
Colossians 3:16: "Let the word of Christ dwell among you richly, teaching and admonishing one another with all wisdom, ... with gratitude to God
Philippians 2:1-4: "Therefore, if you have any encouragement, if any comfort or love, if any fellowship or compassion, complete my joy by being of one mind, having the same love, being united in heart, and thinking the same thing. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped."
Titus 2:1-8: You must teach the older men to be temperate, self-controlled, sound in judgment, and faithful in their love for God and for each other... Teach young men to be self-controlled, sound in judgment, and godly. They should be faithful in their love for God and for each other. They should be temperate, self-controlled, and courageous. They should be ready to do good
1 Timothy 5:20: "Those who sin must be publicly rebuked, so that the others may be afraid."
2 Corinthians 13:11: "Finally, brothers, rejoice. Improve your lives, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you."
God bless
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