Serious struggle over whether I am saved or not.
Q: After some self examination the past couple of weeks and months I have determined I am not a Christian I just spent half an hour praying to God as begging for forgiveness and ask Christ to receive me.
The problem is I don’t know if I am sorry enough I don’t know if I’m broken enough I don’t know if I even believe. I have accusing thoughts and wondering thoughts “do you really believe” ? I feel I've insulted Christ when I was baptized last year and even when I was giving my testimony. I asked myself do I really believe this ? but the thing is I HATE these thoughts goes through my mind about God. I told him all of these things but not sure if it’s acceptable that I asked him to receive me - after I confess that I don’t have faith I don’t have belief....but I want that to change.
With that being said I can’t say for sure if I got saved tonight or if I have been saved already and just fell into sin. I have extreme anxiety and the thought of standing before a church and getting baptized again scares me I would have to tell everyone that I was a liar. I have been back and forth with my salvation (on knowing if I had it) and this is probably the 20th time I asked to be saved. Am I extremely selfish and not sure if I feel I just wanted the by product of Christ and not him, but idk how to change that (unless I’m born from above) no amount of praying can make me born again - if God has not chosen me. I feel burdened and worried. Guidance? Advice?
A: Read Romans 7:15-20; For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me (Romans 7:15-20).
Every Christian is fighting a great battle being waged within them. They face outside enemies in the world and the devil that war against them. But there is an even more constant opponent that has established a foothold inside of every believer. I refer to our sin nature. It involves us in a relentless battle between our new man in Christ and our old sinful flesh. These two rivals are diametrically opposed to each other. They are hostile against one another. They produce an internal strife on the battlefield within the soul of every believer. There is never an agreed truce between these two forces. There is never a white flag waved in this skirmish. There is never a ceasefire. The battle is ever ongoing.
If you do feel the intensity of this internal strife, it is because you are converted to Christ.
Once you have been justified by faith, an internal battle ensues within you. There is a new desire within every believer that desires to do right. We now love God, the church, the truth, and the will of God. But there are other desires in us that love our self and the world. The result is is an internal tug-of-war.
This passage in Romans 7:15-20 gives us the first-hand account of the battle between the new nature and the sinful flesh within the apostle Paul. He writes these verses as a mature believer in Christ. Paul’s own life demonstrates that this struggle with our sinful flesh never goes away while we are on the earth. Paul is in a fight for holiness, just as you and I are. We must take action to buffet our body and make it our slave. We must resist temptation and fight the good fight. We must resist temptation and flee immorality. The Christian life is a fight for holiness. This battle within us is real, intense, ongoing, internal, spiritual, and found within all true believers. These verses are like looking into a mirror and seeing the struggle with sin that resides within each one of us.
The Bible speaks with perfect accuracy regarding our human condition. It reveals the very worst about man. This is yet another evidence that the Bible is the inspired and inerrant word of God. If this were merely a human book, it would present man in the very best light, always putting his best foot forward. But that is not what we read in the Scripture. Instead, we discover in its pages the real struggle with sin that a believer faces. The Bible contains God’s diagnosis of the human dilemma.
In Romans 7:15-20, we see Paul’s ongoing struggle with sin. This was his experience even as a mature believer in Jesus Christ. We will discover seven realities of sin found within Paul, as well as within every believer.
John Calvin wrote (in chapter one, section one of his Institutes of the Christian Religion) that with the knowledge of God comes the knowledge of self. Everything in your Christian life begins with knowing who God is and, in turn, knowing who you are. Until you know who God is, you will never know who you are. And until you know who you are, you will never advance in spirituality. Paul is being completely honest with us. This is a private thought that is now made known publically in order to help us learn about ourselves. If when you sin, you are thinking, “What is wrong with me?,” the reality is that this is what is wrong with all of us. The reality is that even as a believer, we still struggle with sin. But we work to conquer it and become more holy and Christlike.
We cannot adopt a defeatist attitude, because greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. Because of the all-sufficient grace of God, we will grow in personal holiness. We will experience ever-increasing victories over sin in our lives. There is still sin within us as believers, but we are, nevertheless, making progress and moving forward into greater conformity to the image of Jesus Christ (Romans 8:29). In Romans 7, we see our problem with sin, which continues for even the mature believer. But there is great hope in the verses that lie ahead.
I think the biggest indicator of being a Christian is this:
1.) You do care.
Don't belittle this. If you weren't saved, you wouldn't care AT ALL. He'd just be "sky daddy". He'd be the flying spaghetti monster to you. You'd treat him as if he were the Easter bunny.
2.) You do feel bad.
Even if you feel bad about not feeling bad, you feel something. People feel bad for many reasons, but if your reason is conviction, even the lack of it and feeling bad about that, it's faith. It counts.
3.) Assurance is a fruit of the Spirit, but is not guaranteed and is not necessary for salvation.
Assurance comes from a collection of good works, the fruit of the Spirit, and victories in your faith - it's literally the ability to recall his hand in your life and see continuity. It can take a long time to feel "assured" and Many people have been unassured for very long periods of time and we're depressed about it. Augustus Toplady was one of them, and wrote beautiful hymns.
4.) It's all of Grace
"Be still and know that I am God" is not just a reassurance, it's a command. We should rest in the knowledge that it's not our work that save us, but grace, through faith, "which is the gift of God so that no man can boast".
This is one thing I will say is look at the continuity of Old and New Testament... If the administration of Moses was of the substance of Grace, all the laws and all the sacrifices, and people made mistakes and yet were forgiven by a gracious God, it should be a reassurance that God is merciful and just to forgive and that He keeps his people.
You cannot overpower him, outwit him, outrun him, or ever truly push him away. He's a part of your life whether you like it or not, whether you recognize it or are happy about it.
But God tells us to be joyful and to delight in him and his law and to come to him with all of our petitions and feelings, to pray consistently.
That's all to say that it's all of God and not of you and the life of faith, the laws, the sacrifices of old, they were all for us. The Covenant is for our benefit. Your assurance is for you, and the fruit you produce and the good works God does through you are to boost your assurance... God's will is done regardless and his kingdom is advanced without you or anybody intervening, but yet God chose you and chooses to use you in whatever little ways he wills, and he wants to include you and benefit you. He wants to be gracious and loving and kind to you and for you to acknowledge it and be joyful about it.
What is the difference between worldly sorrow and godly sorrow?
Worldly sorrow blames on people, circumstances for what they have done it does not take full responsibility of their sin
While godly sorrow it takes full responsibility of sin and this sorrow it produces a change of life
Perfect example of this is between King David and King Saul
When David sinned againts God he doesn't say any alibi or blaming people or evrn circumstances, he could just blame batsheeba for bathing outside but he didn't but rather what he said...
Psalm 51:1-5
[1] Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
[2] Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
[3] For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
[4] Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge.
[5] Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me
Whenever you sinned do you feel convicted about it?
If yes, then you are a christian because if there is no conviction about it then you don't have the Holy Spirit which is the mark of being a christian.
Those whom God saves are kept saved by His power. Not feeling saved doesnt mean you arent.
Here are self examination helps and resources on assurance to help give you peace on this, so you can move forward joyfully and live out the Christian life. 🙂
Take those feelings of being unassured and bothered when they arise, and bring it back to God in prayer [and leave it with him]. Try to work on your assurance through the sensitivity to work of the Holy Spirit, try to do things that feed that. Be at church, be with God's people, fellowship, pray, listen to sermons when you drive to work or back home....and read the Scriptures daily, obey what it says for belief and holy living.
Fill your life with the Word of God. Watch true solid preachers like MacArthur. Begin to move forward in spite of what you are thinking and feeling . Don't stay in that place.
Resist the devil. Grow your faith in the Word.
Remember Satan is the accuser of the Brethren (Christians). Don't listen to him, instead trust God.
God bless
