Friend is running from the faith into sin, & avoids me lately- how to minister to her?
Q: Need advice, my best friend of almost 20 years and I have had a falling out. I’ve been “discipling” her to come to know and love Jesus for many years. She has always asked me for advice on problems she has in her life and I do my best to give the best biblical advice I can and encourage her.
Recently she has started running away from her faith (and I mean sprinting and hanging out with non believers). This is fine as it’s her life, and we all go through phases in our faith journey. But now she is being critical of me and stopped talking to me and said that she feels I don’t “approve” of her life. Basically saying that my Christian values don’t mix well with her lifestyle.
I still want to be her friend but every time I reach out to her it takes days for her to respond if she does at all. Also, she keeps saying she wants to hang out soon but never makes plans, and the one time we did -she canceled last minute. I haven’t seen her in months. What do I even say to her when we do meet, because I do want to be a help in her life and to do that I need to irl associate with her.
A: It is possible she is not saved but is an idolator who professed in vain, and Scripture says such walk away for they were never of us.
I think it is good you are trying to reach her. Many embraced idolatry or similarly followed a false gospel -so they were never born again by God... so they still live in the sin nature and seek after the lusts of sin. Those who truly grasp God, His Holiness and a believer being a new creation (radically transformed by God) will love Him, His Word, obey Him and live rightly (grow in sanctification). If she isnt saved she has none of these desires for she has not Christ's righteousness dwelling in her, nor the Holy Spirit. So she gravitates to the things sinners love to chase and wallow in.
You can probe lovingly in order to minister to her. After your initial greetings and asking whats new in her life, when you meet up ask:
*How the Lord has been working in your life since you last talked?
*And Ask her what things she has looked more into of Christianity since last spoke.
*When was the last time you read the Bible?
*I would also ask her to share her testimony with you and why she came to Christ. - this usually shows very quickly if they are not saved, have no concept of the Gospel and if they embraced a false gospel. It is a help to you in ministering. You can also probe a bit further and ask how her life has changed since professing Christ? She should be answering with varied points about her sanctification growth in holiness, not how good/happy her life has become.
Share this free book with her and get her thoughts. It corrects false modern gospel. Read it too so you know the contents. Freewonderfulbook.com pdf
*Ask her: if you were dying, and had 3 minutes left, how would you share with me to be saved. What do I need to do according to Jesus & Scripture?
- this will show you her understanding of the Gospel and where she has things clearly wrong.
These will help you lead her, to a true gospel convo, to call her to repentance and faith.
You coukd also find a believer from church who knows both of you or at least is able to boldly confidently share biblical truth with her and let them ask those probing questions, so it might be considered since shes pushed you away a bit. Let them send her the link to the free book and have her download it to kindle to read.
Only if she is saved will she desire to live righteously. Until then, be faithful (patient and kind) to plant seeds of the Gospel when you can, and pray for her salvation. It is all you can do.
Here are more helps to minister to her in case you need them. Get familiar with em.
Video presentation of the Gospel
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