Dealing with a problematic Youth group
Q: Dealing with parents & youth who cuss, talk of who there the teens like, & other bad behavior at church. Our kids are home schooled, complain of all this stuff going on there and dont want to go to church because of it.
Do you think it’s normal within a youth group to experience a lot of kids that swear? I’m talking kids whose parents are a part of the church and have been attending and proclaimed Christians for years? I have done a decent job of pointing my children towards Christ and even they’re constantly coming home complaining about the language and topics their peers are using and discussing at church in youth group…also, the girls in the group are to the extreme with the boys- every week they go from “liking” one boy to the next, sometimes ruining friendships over a boy…is this type of drama the normal within youth? My girls are saying that they aren’t “cool enough” for the other kids because they’re not boy crazy and they don’t have smart phones…is this the norm?
It has gotten to the point where my kids don’t even want to go to youth or participate in any of the activities, because they behave like that addly they get left out socially… whats more shocking is these kids there are ALL homeschool kids!! What are they learning at home?!
A: It is a church discipline leadership issue, which seems to not be corrected nor addressed by the leadership. Their failures here will require them to give an account to God for that one day 😬. I hope they nip it in the bud asap!
Move your kids to adult worship and if its happening in Sunday School and if its during worship, just keep them in the sanctuary with you, where they should be. Your kids can all go do serving things together in the church and at places outside (such as shut in & outreach ministering) with you.
Youth groups were not to take the place of theveducation on Sunday School. It was to be a mid-week night get together for fellowship, bonding with believer kids, for a Special outing, or special serving opportunities. Not to be its own worship service group apart from the actual church body!
There is a lack of godliness of those "Christian" parents and lack of "training up in the Lord" at home, and truth comes to light - just shows up at church. I wouldnt want my kids around any of them.
I would go alongside the parents or better yet, have youth leader have a parents meeting (with them all) and address the issues while noting he is initiating Matt 18 church discipline and it includes the parents too. Address it with the decons and escalate to Pastor if need be. He may genuinely be unaware. But radical change is needed.
Then recommend that Youth Leader teaches the Gospel, and righteous living including conquering cussing and worldly behaviors. Institute a no nonsense policy, but open to answer Qs and counsel as a guide. That leader is to be respected and not treated like a buddy they can mistreat and misbehave around.
At minimum they can live morally by church policy by expectations of behavior and speech at church. If not, goodbye [those ones] are out.
The Church and youth group not romper room! Its a place to grow in faith and learn. Not interested? Goodbye.
And let them go into the world if theyre of it and not of us. Seeds were planted. Pray they get saved, if not they will be accountable to God when they die, like everyone is who dies in their sin.
I was a youth director over all ages for a good while and I would never allow that. I would take the child aside and warn. After 2nd warning, you are not allowed back here. You are banned. Esp if I was bussing in unsaved kids myself. We can go into the world to reach the lost. Theres no reason for them to be at church. Church is for the Redeemed.
Heres some helps for your youth leader or youth pastor to deal with cussing and behaviors to help the youth conquer sins.
*Adjust it for teaching to their age, if necessary.
*Includes books to study through too.
Resources to educate on Righteous living
*Includes books to study through too.
The Gospel; clear presentation (video)
I’m not a fan of youth group for these reason. Cancers can grow even in Christian groups. I would praise my children for not wanting to be a part of that mess.
Remember. Just because kids may be “church kids” or “homeschooled kids” doesn’t mean they’re godly kids. There's usually only 1 or 2 saved kids in the Youth Group the rest are kids unsaved parents dump off there or "believing" ones who expect the church to "save" their kids, [while the parents live as bad examples or/prove to also be false converts].
I grew up in a Youth Group that was very focused on winning the lost, doing Bible studies, working in the church ministries, etc.
Consider a church move. Your kids souls are at stake. Find a church that prioritizes godly living if this one doesnt. Do call ahead when interviewing churches; talk to the leadership ahead of time about these kinds of concerns & how they address them. This is not normal allowed behavior for youth groups in true Christian churches.
Other parents have addressed this before too saying theyre are involved in co-ops and other activities as a family instead. They won’t even send their teens to youth group or events by themselves. Today there is much more harm than good that comes out of these modern youth groups.
Our policy is: They can learn the Bible from Sunday School, main church, from home by us, and at other events with the whole family. We wont let these groups damage the hard efforts and work we've put into raising our kids up in the Lord, & we want them grasping biblical truth and worldview properly.
One of the easiest ways to deal with it is to get rid of youth group during days of corporate worship on Sunday & any day. Just integrate them back into the church. They'll have to behave next to the parents, have to have a parent at church if till now they dump dropped off their kids, and they will all learn. All past generations [including mine] did this before 1990, and they grow up fine.
You just do it. Institute it. And misbehaving is 1st dealt with by the parents (taking them outside to discipline), and after that Matt 18 is implimented; for both. Parents not raising the kids rightly and kids for ungodly behavior. It also calls for no nonsense come to Jesus meeting via in home visit by pastor and decons to counsel [scold] them all as a family, and whip them into repentance and right behaviors. Providing counsel and expectations from now on. They need to get it together and grow, or go. If you're in church visitor or member you are under the authority of the leadership [& God, and Scripture speaks clearly on this]. Period.
God bless.
For those looking to slowly integrate youth into the church worship services this book might help. But I would just go with the former option and say starting today all ages will gather and worship together.
"A Weed in the Church", by Scott Brown
I have no problem with those under 6 years old going to child care so mom can actually worship. But policy would be no one under 20 can be the supervising volunteers in child care and if possible only those members certified can do that work. And at least 2 at all times. 3 needed due to bathroom breaks. And if problems... buzz the parent. Let them deal with issues and discipline, immediately. And it will stop. There is behavior expectations at chyrch and as believers/believers runing godly homes.
