gf cheated on me & broken hearted
Q: I need prayers sent my way, I’m struggling… I am a young guy who broke up with a girl recently (after being with her 2 and half years). She was talking with someone else while we were still in a relationship, and is now with him. It hurts for me to see them together because obviously I felt it was enjoyable to be with her... but now I’m a stranger.
A: Heartbreak is hard. This is one reason God never designed relationships through dating, but through parental matching or courtship [vetting] and only among believers, so we never need to experience this 😔.
I have blocked her on socials, and am keeping my distance. I haven’t talked to her since we broke up, but I still feel attached and I don’t want to feel this way because it is the Lord's will we are not together, but still I need peace about this.
I pray God gives you peace over it and understanding, and when you reach that point then you can praise Him for cutting that person out of your life, (so you can be free in Him and also free to go seek the right one). Tbvh this likely won't happen until the end of college, [more likely] after college or [better off] after you are settled in your career. It is actually better if you wait because if you are 35 you are more mature, but you have to practice self control and tame your body and thoughts from sexual things to do that. If you commit to it you can do it. If you havent fornicated and had sex outside of marriage dont do it! God will bless your marriage, being a virgin is a very good thing till marriage.
With that said, God will guide you for your life... I am just saying you will be wiser and make good choices if you delay seeking a wife and do not see nor date anyone until you are ready for that [marriage] 👉after you are settled in a career. You can keep and get your finances in order, invest, be preparing to get a home, and all that, be more mature, and more mature in your faith, so it will lead to a better & blessed marriage and a slim likelyhood of divorce. Plus you could possibly marry a 25(*) year old woman who is mature in the faith when you are older... and you've lost nothing but gained much.
Best advice: Only pursue godly women who are clearly real Christians. Vet them by asking lots of solid questions when you are in a "meeting stage" so you dont start a dating or courting stage if it is a wrong person. And so you do not allow emotional connections to override dealing with important matters (first). If you tell them about this up front, theres no misunderstandings (*).
If there are none such young ladies around you then God hasnt brought them/her to you so be diligent in reading and studying Scripture so you can be the spiritual leader in your home once you are married. God is giving you this time to do that and prepare 🙂.
👆Remember this.
A lot of references and resources on this site are geared towards helping women not pursue relationships with wrong men and stressing "vetting" that they really are saved before pursuing any relationship... because you want emotions out of the picture - to focus on the important things first. It is like an interview for a lifetime position. The material here can still help you so I do hope it blesses you.
There's a growing list of things you need to consider about marriage, not just what aditl a day in the life will look like as you lead the home are the head of the house and are the spiritual leader, but also a slew of questions to consider and discuss with anyone you might be interested in [or beyond that pursue] way in advance of starting an actual relationship. It is good to know your honest answers to these and important to get that info from her/them so you can weed out the ones that wont fit your vision of marriage [and ones that might]. I do caution you about a false view of marriage and what you assume about it [stereotypes] but also note importantly what marriage is and is not. Men have a greater responsibility in the relationship and your life together, your role, is not just you making money. It is about your life together when you are not at work and for God's purposes [as you are a team in Christ]. Your real life.
There are several resources below that you would do well to go through, examine, ponder, gleen from, and make decisions from them. 👉 This includes reading all the relationship related books that are referenced in here as well.
Resources
Footnote:
(*) I am not saying you might not meet a wonderful 35 year old [same age range] woman but I am saying it is fine to find a godly woman at a good age [like 25 or 28]. Whether she is pretty or not; looks aren't everything, and they fade. And looks shouldnt really be the focus, just focus on the one who is best for you, (for a lifetime partnership in Christ and a lifetime companion).
(*) If you tell them up front... you are then free to interact with other women and they wont be hurt and wont get emotionally attached to you (very much) until you pursue one towards marriage. And you can break away cleanly without issues and still on friendly terms.
--I dont mean remain in contact, but you might find later that one of them was a better/best choice and if theyre still single and open to consider talking again (then), let her know you are interested in exploring a relationship together if she is interested. She might have had time to think through some of the questions and time together and realized you are a great catch or maybe you arent right for her. But the door is open to come back if you had left initially on good terms.
--You might not go back to any of them and might find the one later on. Let God guide you and be prayerful and realistic about it.
(*) If you are struggling with the current relationship loss posed in the question, and you havent been able to put it behind you and embrace what God has planned fir you in the future, it cannot hurt to schedule a man to man counseling time with a mature in the faith male Decon at your church, or a male Sunday School teacher for guidance, prayer and accheck in with you. Def 💪🙏always use your church resources, but 👍biblical counselors are important in a believers life (beyond the pastor and church).
(*) I do not have any affiliate links on this site, everything is simply offered as helps. So do read all the books recommended. Even if it is only 1 book every week or two. Toss them all in your amazon wish list and get them. Good books are worth investing in. Some may be avail on audio but reading gives you solid focus time and you can highlight and mull things over, flip back to and can review later too.
God bless!
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