Divorcing & living now as Adulterer w bf

Q: How do I submit to God's way when I'm struggling so much with unbelief. I need to tell my partner we need to stop having sex. We've been together almost a year and he's a very good man, though not a Christian, (VERY hard to find a Christian my age in my county, let alone a Christian man). I am a Luke warm Christian and sometimes I'm not very connected. I'm scared this man will leave me and I'll regret it the rest of my life for losing him,(amazing men like him are also very hard to find).

I want to feel like if I stop this sin then God will feel more real to me but maybe that won't even happen. I read my Bible but prayer is extremely half hearted. I feel stupid talking to what feels like thin air. I do believe. I don't know if I believe enough to give up such a love.

Currently going through divorce but still technically married till the next step of divorce in December, so I'm not only fornicating but also an adultress. But honestly, I feel like what's the point in physically stopping sinning if I can't get my heart and relationship right with God. Why am I so weak in my relationship with God 😭

A: This is a bad situation, besides advice already given, i am wanting to be honest and helpful but need to make sure you know the tone is loving and not self righteous or judgmental.

Which country are you in? If there are believers somewhere, and a solid church we can help you find one.  It might be hard to find a Christian man but it is hard everywhere since many false converts abound.

Not based on anything but your post I would venture to say you are not saved. And if not actually saved there's hope for you: 1. If not saved, all the sins of fornication, divorce (finalized) and adultery can be forgiven and you can start fresh [get saved*], but not with him because you cannot be unequally yoked as God commanded. There's no way you can be married to an unsaved person and live a marriage God focused both together as partners in Christ and in raising the kids. Biblically and truthfully you can never consider an unsaved man a "wonderful man". They are not godly and have no integrity, they have no problem lying or doing bad sinful things since they are led by their sin nature (children of Satan). Plus, men show their real selves after a few yrs married, you cannot guarantee that he will not be your worst nightmare for the next 80 yrs.

2. If you are a believer you are already in process of divorce and are committing adultery and God was clear, if you divorce except for adultery you can never remarry. And since you had sex already after leaving your husband you cannot go back and remarry him either.  You are in a big pickle here. You def need to throw away all your sins now, get in the Word daily, and conform to Scripture obeying it and growing in holiness.  Prayers 🤗.

Footnote
(*)you are treading on scary ground here gambling with your eternal salvation, because:
1. You need to get divorced finalized, and move out and cut off the adultery, before you can get saved. But if you delay salvation you could die before divorce is finalized. If you get saved now before divorce is finalized, you must exit the adultery relationship and move out that day, and try to restore that marriage, repenting of adultery to your husband as well.

If you get saved then divorce you are stuck - you cannot remarry. If you stop the divorce proceedings and he is willing to take you back as wife you have to live unequally yoked because you choose to marry an unsaved person in rebellion to God and are stuck with it, unless he commits adultery or abandons you. Your only option is to remain married and live out a solid solid godly wife life daily in the hope that he also gets saved.

If you love your sins more than Christ, you are not saved; If you do not love & value the Savior [who died for you and paid the eternal penalty for your sins] more than a sinful man who will only live a few more years to an older age... than the eternal God who created you to have eternal fellowship with...  then your lack of grasping Christ's sacrifice and being super grateful shows fruit that you are not saved. No one ever "who comprehends what Christ has done for them" would "then embrace" and do so "by choice" ...a sin, that damns one to Hell; choosing "lust and a sinful human" over the eternal life and the "forgiveness of your crimes against a Holy Just God" by His sacrifice. You are not valuing His sacrifice because you do not comprehend it rightly.

Those who are not saved have a half hearted feeling towards God and the Word. The Bible is God talking and communicating with us. When we are saved & are in the Word we stay away from sin, but if we love sin we stay away from the Word...because it convicts us. Regardless if we read it, God still sees the sins you are committing and thinking 247. He is watching all that you do. That should be enough to scare you straight as you will have to give account to Him for what you did in life either as a condemned sinner or a redeemed one.

Once you obey the Gospel your options for your "current situation" you asked about, becomes "very" limited.

But if you dont get saved and you die tomorrow, your eternity is sealed.

Eternal matters far outweigh temporarily earthly ones, [when you look at it like that]. So if you choose the narrow path, you have to live with the pickle you got yourself into (by your own choices). You do not get a choice beyond: reconcile w your husband or live single forever [not even dating]. 

What is the Gospel
New & Growing Believers Resources

Further study:

Sexual sins - understand this 

Taking the mystery out of knowing God's Will 

*Backup to God's Will mystery msg gty

Sin & the Believer
Solidifying your faith based on evidences
Finding a biblical Church

Why Church Matters 

Unequally Yoked 

Verses on Adultery

Exodus 20:14

Leviticus 20:10

Deuteronomy 5:18

Matthew 5:27-28

Matthew 19:9

Mark 10:11-12

Luke 16:18

Romans 7:2-31 

Corinthians 6:9-10

Hebrews 13:4

Exodus 20:14:

You shall not commit adultery.

Leviticus 20:10:

If there is a man who commits adultery with another man’s wife, one who commits adultery with his friend’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.

Deuteronomy 5:18:

You shall not commit adultery.

Matthew 5:27-28:

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; 28 but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Matthew 19:9:

And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Mark 10:11-12:

11 And He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; 12 and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.”

Luke 16:18:

“Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.

Romans 7:2-3:

2 For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. 3 So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10:

9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, 10 nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.

Hebrews 13:4:

Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.