Rebellious reactive Teen, Help!
I have a 15 year old daughter and she’s really bad like hateful cussing hitting us just plain angry. My husband is her step dad and today was a bad day. He said he hates her and blah blah blah. He can be mean also but mostly with words. He also says Jesus is the answer which I know is true but his reactions don’t make this situation easy. I’m starting to think the only way to make this is to get a divorce. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m out of answers I’m feeling lost I keep praying but I seen now results. Some one said let her live with bio dad but I’m not sure that’s a good idea
A: It is good that his thoughts are Jesus is the answer, but he did mess up by saying he hates her. He should def go apologize to her [a good step] and tell her he will work to do better, as he also now asks her to do too.
My recommendation is to go through these areas here that apply both for yourselves as parents and have her go through it too.
https://snsanswers.blogspot.com/2023/01/transformed-counseling.html
Consider her friendships, what too many freedoms you've given her and where yall need to make changes. She sounds like she has been allowed to run wild vs be trained up in the way she should go. And that is a failure on yalls part that can be rectified and eventually restore the relationship.
You should also seriously consider removing your children from public school. It isnt like it used to be. You can find Christian co-op or homeschool with help from family.
Also consider 1. Involving the pastor a lil bit [have him drop by and chat w her and yall together] and 2 also then, take her to a biblical counselor immediately since she is hitting and lashing out(*). You got to start somewhere, and fast too, cuz once she's out the door your relationship might be all downhill and she'll go down the wrong path - if you dont work hard to fix it right now. Do what it takes. Be extra patient and extra loving. And make sure yall get in ship shape as parents (in your walk with the Lord) so you can be a solid example even if she remains wayward in her youth.
Footnotes:
(*) tell her you are taking her to a nice Lunch or Dinner, 👉but end up at the Counselor office room first. If she gets upset tell her we are going to eat but after she attends this meeting. And then let her pick a place (within a acceptable price range), and go enjoy a dinner. Even if you dont talk and she is huffy or mad-thinking about the meeting. If you can, in advance when you schedule the meeting, have the counselor talk her into you all go back there for a family counseling meeting.
And... let her pick out the place you eat afterwards for dinner. Perhaps make a rule that 👉 "when eating out, there is not talking or yelling or misbehaving at the dinner, but just a quiet enjoyable meal. But if you would like something additional to order politely ask first, and if you need condiments, or something across the table, politely ask." You can state/set the meal budget limit for her order as well, before you get out of the car. And make sure to tell her that while yall are working through some issues right now, we still love you.
This might also be of some help to you.
